Like A Mosaic, Life...

Unpredictable. Unsure.  Beautiful. Art. Expression. Opportunity.

Every year at my school, about 10 seniors are chosen to represent certain categories as Silver Knight nominees.  Some friends of mine did it last year and said it was a great experience, but the people they were competing against were crazy- talented. That might be part of the reason I was so unsure when I got nominated this year.

Excited, no doubt.  Uncertain, definitely.

I was nominated for the category art, probably the category I am least sure about.  English would have been easier or social science since I have an unending knowledge of history since AP US last year.  But art is a challenge.

Honestly, the art world is pretty dark.  So many artists have alternative lifestyles.  I am so different from them in so many ways.

{People who have come to know the joy of God do not deny the darkness, but they choose not to live in it.  They claim that the light that shines in the darkness can be trusted more than the darkness itself and that a little bit of light can dispel a lot of darkness.} ~Henri Nouwen

I see the darkness of the art world, and suddenly, this opportunity comes out of nowhere that allows me to stand for something good in it.  Despite my insecurity, there is so much that God can teach me through embracing this opportunity.  Through my artwork, I can point to Christ.  How blessed am I that God wants to use me here!

“Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” ~Colossians 4:5-6



Splagehnizomai.

I don’t know how to pronounce this, but I know what it means in English: Compassion.

“Anything helps, even a smile…”

Recently I was stopped at a stoplight and noticed a homeless woman carrying this sign.  How burdened I suddenly was.  I had no money to give, but I did have the ability to treat her as a fellow human-being and brighten up her day, with a smile.

When I did Love Bags the last half of my junior year, God altered my perspective.  Yes, there were some scary moments and I did meet some people who had rough lives, but I now see that they just want someone to talk to them, to love the unlovely, to pray for broken lives.  I saw the Holy Spirit work so much as we shared God’s word with them.  It was a wonderful chance for us to point them to the one who has transformed our lives- Jesus.  He can transform theirs too. 

A few Saturday mornings out sharing with the homeless puts everything in perspective.  It also gives us the chance to live out the compassion we feel. 

I miss this. 

I really hope I can go again soon after Thanksgiving…

Isaiah 61:1-3-  “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives; and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” 

One Meal One Day.

Today was One Meal One Day.

Not. Good. Enough.

Three words that haunted me for a long time. 

On chapel on Friday when the drama group did a skit, that’s the character I related with; the one who said she never felt good enough.  Pretty much all middle school and ninth grade I believed that lie and every now and then it still pops into my head.

I don’t think I’m the only one who has felt this way.  Apart from God’s grace, I don’t think we can possibly ever feel sufficient.  

To overcome this deception, I love to return in 2 Corinthians.  Chapter 12 verse 9- “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’”

I am not good enough in the least on my own.  My striving isn’t enough.  My goal-making isn’t enough.  My rules list isn’t enough.  My own attempts are not enough.  My accomplishments are not even enough.  However, I am sufficient in Christ. 

2 Corinthians 3:5-6 reads, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God, who also made us sufficient as ministers of the new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” 

Lord, “Your Grace is Enough.” 

[Time]

I graduate in 200 days. 

Psalm 90:12- "Teach us to number our days,
   that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

"Submit Application" Button.

What a scary thing. 
Suddenly all the control you thought you had leaves you.
It is completely in God's hands...
Although, maybe it was all along.


God has been taking me on this incredible journey with applying to this one college.  I submitted my application to it on Thursday.  I had heard about this university a couple years ago and knew it was wonderful.  Inside my heart I knew I wanted to apply there all along, but spiritually I was not ready. This past summer it was on my list of colleges but I was convinced I was not "good enough" to go to this school.  Everyone I know who goes there is so nearly perfect and spiritually strong and I am insufficient.  It crazy how Satan twists truths into lies.  In September I was able to fly to visit the college. I knew when I was singing in the worship during chapel there that this is where I would love to be.  To grow closer to God.  To learn more about writing.  To be encouraged.  To be prepared for the ministry God has for me.  And yet at the same time, to be in the world, doing outreach.  Then I came back and began the essay-writing process.  I spent a month on the application essays, seeking God and putting into words what He has shown me.


Then it all comes to this.  The "Submit Application" button.  Is it good enough? What more can I do?  Is this God's will?  These questions flash through my mind a millions times per second.  I click the button.  It's all out of my control.  It's all in God's hands.  Though, maybe it was all along.


It's not about me being "not good enough" or "good enough," it's God will.  I just need to trust that God knows best, whether this college is His will or not.


"Trust in the LORD, and do good;
         Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
 Delight yourself also in the LORD,
         And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
         Trust also in Him,
         And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
         And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
         Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way..."
~Psalm 37:3-7a

Remembering.

"For me, the words of prayer are less important than the act of remembering. I look for the spaces, the interstices, in my life. Lying awake at night, insomnious.  Soaking in a bathtub. Driving. Biding time while my computer reboots. Sitting in a ski lift. Standing in line at a check-out counter. Waiting for someone who is late. Riding on a public bus or train. Exercising. Lengthy church services, I find, offer prime opportunities for prayer.  Instead of fidgeting or staring at my watch during a lull, I pray.  If I remember, I try to turn those otherwise wasted moments into prayers..."
~Philip Yancey Prayer Does It Make Any Difference?