Hello Hurricane.

I knew this week would be tough, just not to this extent.
Deadlines. Mid-terms. Projects.  And I thought I had it all figured out.
All it takes is a minute and I lose 18 pages of work, almost all of my apologetics project.

That was not a good way to start this week.  I was so upset, and I just lost it.  Everything makes so much sense when it's going good, as planned.  It's easy to stand steadfast when there's no storm.  Then the hurricane hits and takes away everything you had worked so hard for. I did to me today.

But it made me realize something.  After I had grown angry and displaced it on my father and sister, I felt even more horrible.  Thoughts crowded my mind like "Melissa, you are an idiot for not saving that project somewhere else.  Melissa, you lost your temper and got angry, you aren't good enough.  Melissa, you don't deserve grace from your teacher about this, you blew it.  Melissa, you see, you don't deserve to call yourself a child of God, you don't deserve to aspire to serve Him, you don't deserve to have the dreams you have and you especially don't deserve to go to the college you applied to and hope to get into."

True.  I don't deserve much.  However, the tone above is one of lies.  The truth is: "Melissa, you learned a lesson now, pick back up the computer and start over.  Melissa, ask for grace, you are saved by it.  Melissa, you are God's child not because you deserve it, but because you have faith and you have received grace.  Melissa, not one of the heroes of the Bible (besides Jesus), from Abraham to Moses to Elijah to Jeremiah to David, was perfect.  God acomplished His will through quite imperfect people.  Melissa, trust that God has a plan for you that is for good, to give you a future and a hope.  Melissa, if God wants you to go to that college, it's not because you deserve it.  It is because it is His plan.  Keep following and seeking Him and He will take you right where He wants you."

Hello Hurricane, You're not enough.  Hello Hurricane, You can't silence my love.

I will get through this crazy week.  I will stand steadfast in God.  I will be rooted despite the hurricane.  And I won't believe the lies but the truth.  And that truth will set me free. :)

Stay.

And You will always stay beside me
And Your sun will rise above me
And Your light will shine upon us
And Your skies are clear above me
And You will always stay, You will always stay

Exceedingly Abundantly More.

12/9/09

"I have NOT been given a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind."~2 Timothy 1:7

God is powerful.  So often I pray in doubt. This journal, this space of prayer, is dedicated to praying in faith, in acknowledgement of God's power, and in the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  Lord, I lift up my Junior class, class of 2011.  Only you can change our hearts and make your mission ours.  Only you can unite a class so divided.  Only by your power can we come together with Your heart of love to reach Mexico.

I lift up each and every person in my grade.  Over the next 5 months, take them to a completely new personal level with you.  Use your power and Holy Spirit to unite us in a common cause, serving you.

I trust my prayers will not be in vain.  Holy Spirit fall down on me to love others despite their treatment of me.  Humble me to help me realize Your power at work.  I know that when there is less of me, there is more of you.

Soften the hearts of everyone in my grade.  Teach me patience and diligence to keep praying.  Help me to encourage and bring encouragement to me.

There is hope for my Junior class, and it is in You.

Exactly one year ago I wrote this as the start of my Mexico missions trip prayer journal.  Wow! Who knew that God would make one mission trip such a journey for me? God heard my prayers for the 6 months before the trip.  He did "exceedingly abundantly more" than I could have ever imagined while in Mexico. Now, a year later, I got to share my passion and testimony with the upcoming Junior class before they head out to Mexico. I got to give a short speech what God showed me in my spiritual journey before, during, and after Mexico.  I've never given a speech before, especially in front of about 100 people, but God was faithful.  The Holy Spirit helped me convey exactly what I wanted to say.

I love the feeling of being in the middle of exactly where God wants me to be.  It takes my breath away to see how God has answered prayer.  He truly has transformed my life: through his word, through prayer, through Mexico missions.  He has done "exceedingly abundantly more."  I feel so blessed.

Be Thou My Vision.

 “Lord, I will do anything that your kingdom requires of me. Wherever you want me to be, I’ll go.  Whatever the circumstances, I’m willing to follow. If you want to meet a need through my life, I am your servant; and I will do whatever is required.” ~Experiencing God

“I stood before three lines in the sand.  Somehow I knew what each represented:

Line 1: I believe in God and the gospel of Christ enough to benefit from it...

Line 2: I believe in God and Christ’s gospel enough to contribute comfortably… I realized, I was second-line believer.  I’d serve Jesus in ministry, but I didn’t want to many critics.  I’d give up some things for Christ, but being away from my family often was too much.  I’d follow Jesus anywhere- as long as the job included insurance for my family.  The third line was just inches in front of me.  It might as well have been miles.

Line 3: I believe in God and Christ’s gospel enough to give my life to it.  Although most people I knew were line-one and line-two believers, suddenly anything less that line three didn’t seem like real Christianity to me.  Could I give my whole life for Christ?  Not only in words but in my daily life?

…I knew in the deepest part of myself: I have to be a third-line believer.”

~The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel

“Enter through the narrow gate.  For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13-14

“And I took the road less traveled by and that made all the difference.”

A different kind of writer's block.

I've had writer's block lately.
But not the typical kind where you can't come up with any ideas.
No, I have so many writing ideas swirling in my head so that at least 10x a day I say to myself "I should blog about that" and then at the end of the day I can't decide so I don't write anything at all.
It's pretty frustrating I must say.

"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30

December Discipline.

“Now, child,” said Aslan,… “I will wait here.  Go and wake the others and tell them to follow.  If they will not, then you at least must follow me alone.”  It is a terrible thing to have to wake four people, all older than yourself and all very tired, for the purpose of telling them something they probably won’t believe and making them do something they certainly won’t like. “I musn’t think about it.  I must just do it,” thought Lucy. ~Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis

Steadfast has been my word of focus for this school year.  As I look at its definition, I notice something.  To be fixed in direction,to be  firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment, to be unwavering, to be firmly fixed in place- these all are impossible without discipline.

I’ve found that the word “discipline” seems to have a negative connotation.  It did for the longest time to me.  Whenever one of my parents said the word discipline, it always meant my privileges were about to be revoked, my cellphone was going to be placed in the office drawer, my chores were about to increase, my allowance was going to be withheld.  It meant saying “no” to the things I wanted, and “yes” to the things I hate. 

I started reading the book Discipline by my favorite author Elisabeth Elliot.  What she explained was that “Discipline is the wholehearted yes to the call of God.”  God calls us to be his disciples, and in that way, be disciplined. 

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age…” Titus 2:11-12

I’m not a very unruly or undisciplined teenager.  I do my school work, read my Bible daily, and keep up with my chores.  However, as I’ve come to realize that I base a lot on feelings.  I do my homework, yes, but only when I feel like it.  For example, right now I don’t feel like studying for my Spanish test tomorrow, so I am blogging.  If I feel hungry, I grab a snack from the kitchen.  If I feel like running a mile or two, I do, and if I don’t, I don’t.  If I feel like going on facebook ten times a day, I will.  Most people would not say there is anything wrong with this.  And technically, I am not sinning in any of this.  However, I’ve come to realize that I don’t want the urge to go a website to control my life.  I don’t want my feelings of being too tired in the morning to overpower my ability to get up early and pray.  My faith in God should not depend on feelings alone.  Neither should my walk in that faith.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

I must not think about it, I must just do it. Like Nike. ;) 

“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58