And I'll swim the ocean for you...

You and your wide-eyed dreams...

{I want to watch a sunrise in Africa}

{Walk around NYC}

{Attend a Hillsong United Concert}

{Go ice-skating in Chicago}

{Eat fair-trade chocolate}

{Learn to speak Greek}

{Write a book}

{Smile and make someone's day}

{Watch all the movie classics}

{Drink Chai tea and look at the stars}

{Run 4 miles in a row}

{Parasail}

{Climb a water tower}

{Go to David Platt's church}

{Run through a field of sunflowers}

Yet what I desire more than these dreams is God's will.

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ."

Philippians 3:7

Antinomy.

This past week I started my online college courses and I have to say, I am really enjoying them.  Through the online discussion boards, I've been able to meet a lot of fellow students in the program from all over the country... Their passions for God and similar ministry goals encourage me so much! 

I've also begun my studies of Old Testament Survey and the Church and its Doctrines.  I feel like I'm already learning so much but ironically, the more I study, the more I realize all that I don't know or understand.  There's a word in my Theology book called "antinomy."  It is defined as "something that is contrary to law or contrary to human understanding.  An antinomy, of course, is such only in the mind of man; with God there is no antinomy" in The Moody Handbook of Theology by Paul Enns.  Basically, there are some things we just won't understand.  This has bothered me to some extent, but the more I think about it, I'm thankful for the antinomy.  It shows how God's understanding is bigger than mine.  He is God, and I am not.  His knowledge supercedes what I can humanly understand.  As it says in Isaiah 55:9:

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."

So yes, I'm actually enjoying my online classes.  And I'm learning a lot too.  I'm even learning by not understanding.  If that is even possible :)

"Since it is God we are speaking of, you do not understand it.  If you could understand it, it would not be God." ~St. Augustine

 

?'s.

How does one reconcile the balance between

...being in the world, but not of the world?

...being generous but still being a good steward with your money?

...being a true friend, but not being a pushover?

...the beautiful and the practical?

...listening to others' wise counsel and listening to God's calling?

...rejoicing in today and striving for tomorrow?

...being strong and being vulnerable?

The Sky is Falling.

Why do sisters die in their sleep?

And why do mothers have to go to terrible hospitals for a week?

Why do grandfathers get bone cancer?

And brothers hit their heads and not remember a thing?

{Sometimes life really feels like the sky is falling}

{Yet You don't change, even when our circumstances do}

Only one, but...

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do."

~Helen Keller

So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, goodbye.

Good-bye Class of 2011.

I trust God will do amazing things in your lives, even if I can't be nearby.

All the best to you in North Carolina, Illinois, Alabama, D.C., Tennessee and across the country and world. :)

I don't know why I'm still waiting... or do I?

But I am and it's the right thing.

I'm walking in obedience to God and that's what is most important. 
"Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him,

And He shall bring it to pass.

He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,

And your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord,

and Wait patiently for Him."

Psalms 37:4-37a

Nearly every day I pray in Operation World, for countries that need Christ's love.

Then I go to countless locations around the world with my family.

But I don't get to go on missions trips.

2x. That's all.

And those two times in Bahamas and Mexico were wonderful.

Everything that God taught me was brought to life.

But I prayed so many times for God to send me out again, to the field.

And so far He's said "no" countless times.

No to Ethiopia, No to Bahamas again, No to Mexico again, No to Uganda.

I know why God did what He did.

Instead of Ethiopia, He wanted me to bond with my class on our 10th grade retreat.

And when the Bahamas trip was cancelled, I began praying for the 6 months leading up to Mexico.

I didn't get to go to Mexico again, but I did get to speak at their dinner fundraiser.

And if I had gone to Uganda I wouldn't have been able to lead a group at camp or help out at Liberty or be with my family when I needed to be.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,

To those who are the called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

Clearly God has always had me in the right place at the right time.

He sees the big picture.

Looking forward, I can trust that God will put me in the right place,

whether that be right where I am or one day in Uganda or Greece or wherever He may call me.

I can't keep letting Satan have a foothold and whisper:

"You are not adequate enough to ever go on the mission field, that is why God won't open the doors."

"You must have mistaken God's calling to surrender all, others have callings but can't you see by where you are: you. don't. matter."

"You will be waiting your whole life"

"Full surrender to God will not result in joy but pain"

"God is never going to give you an answer"

"How can God use you when you are sitting around at home studying?  You have all this knowledge but it's useless"

"Waiting on God is a waste of time"
Lies. The truth is, that to God:
"Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice..."
1 Samuel 15:22
I actually do know why I'm still waiting.
God has asked me to wait, so I wait.
I wait, I hope, I trust, I obey.
One day, He will ask me to go somewhere for Him.
And I will go.
"Show me Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day."
Psalms 25:4-5

Seeing [the big picture].

Бог Ты Дал

Oh You bring hope to the hopeless
And light to those in the darkness
And death to life
Now I'm alive
Oh You give peace to the restless
And joy to homes that are broken
I see You now
In You I'm found.

In Reflection.

Busyness.  So often it overwhelms me.  Sometimes I'm not even sure what consumes my time, but there is always something.  So yesterday I was right in the middle of what was a very busy, bustling summer day.  And I had to stop. And wait.  At first it was painful as I sat parked outside my sister's friend's house, knowing that I was burning expensive gas to keep the AC running and my sister was still 10 minutes away.  However, I was forced to be still, to rest, to remember.  For this I am thankful.  As I stared out the window, I saw the blue cloud-filled summer sky, tall tree branches swaying, overgrown grass, insects buzzing all around.  It reminded of summer when I was little.  There were those days when my mom would drop me off for piano lessons.  I would trek through the tall grasses and bugs and walk in the sliding glass door.  I was 8 and loved it when my piano teacher assigned me a new song and would play it through once for me to hear.  Her house was cool and peaceful and perfect in so many ways.  Sometimes, the sun would fade and during my lesson rain would begin to pelt ths doors and windows.  But I was safe.  I was in my own little world where the rain drops kept tempo for the music notes bouncing around in my brain. 

I played piano for 8 years... but after having 4 different piano teachers, it had lost it's early charm.  I had forgotten about what music used to be to me once upon a childhood.  Somehow, in the half hour I sat waiting during a busy summer day, I was able to remember again. 

15 Things I love this Summer:

1. My new Bible for all my college notes.  Original Dilemma: Finding a Bible in NAS or ESV that is small, durable, but with sufficient margin space for Bible College notes.  Problem solved!


2. In the search for the perfect bedding for college, I found this lovely, unique blanket at Urban Outfitters.  But $249...?  I don't think so.  Still, I love it!

3. Following these wonderful bloggers:
My sister: throughthewatersoflife.blogspot.com/
My sweet friend in Chi-town: daniellegermaine.tumblr.com/post/8030505714/lists-lists-lists
As well as working on the blog for my church's high school outreach: liquidoutreachmissions.wordpress.com/

4. The Red TOMS I just got in the mail last week. Perfect.


5. Compassion International keeps showing up everywhere so it seems! But I'm absolutely falling in love with this organization.


6. The following movies are my absolute favorites.  I tried to make a list of 10 but couldn't choose, so there are 15 (in no particular order).

Pearl Harbor

Remember the Titans

Julie and Julia

(500) Days of Summer

We're all in This Together Hillsong United Documentary

Ratatoille

The Lake House

Slumdog Millionaire

Princess Bride

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

The Blind Side

The End of the Spear

August Rush

Clueless

Get Smart

7. Nike Training Club workouts.  I love to do a 15 minute workout while watching Cake Boss, ironically.

8. National Geographic magazine has been something I love getting in the mail each month.  I also am always blown away by their website and "photos of the day." Nearly all the pictures for this blog I get from their website...

9. I've been praying through Operation World for about 8 months now and I discovered their prayercast videos recently.  They're pretty amazing! www.operationworld.org/prayer-videos

10.  These bobby pins from Etsy are absolutely gorgeous... But I'm tentative about paying so much...

11.  I'm not completely convinced about the whole "hipster" craze going on.  However, I saw these polaroid notes and thought they would be so great to write notes on to my friends away in college.

12.  Last summer I had a lot of time (and airplane rides) during which to read.  This summer, I've tried to keep up the tradition but I haven't made near as much progress.  Nonetheless, my summer reading list has included:

Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski

The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer

Things I Wish I'd Known Before we got Married by Gary Chapman

D.L. Moody by Kevin Belmonte

Fresh Faith by Jim Cymbala

Wild at Heart by John Eldredge

And Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

13.  I got back my AP scores and I passed A.P. Studio art... I've framed a few of my Greek Concentration pieces and can't wait to put them up in my room!

14.  I saw this bag and FEED seems to be doing a lot of good things for those who are impoverished, so I'm considering buying it. ae.com/web/browse/product.jspproductId=0427_7510_131&catId=cat4840018

15.  My Utmost for His Highest has been sitting on my shelf for a year now and I've read it every now and then.  I can't wait to start reading it daily with my friends who are going off to college.