Swans and Magnifying Glasses.

My grandpa is home now; he passed away on Friday.

As I thought about all he meant to me, I read parts of the book he wrote years ago.

He fought in World War 2, and death was always on his mind in those days.

He thought about dying at 24,

Who knew God would grant him 93 full years of life?

Make me more eternally minded Lord,

as I remember my grandpa and his life.

Don't let me forget those people in my life who taught me lessons,

those family members who loved me.

I don't want to forget.

Living where dying is gain...

My values are changing... And so am I.   During this past week I took this VAL test to see what I value most in my life.  And my top two life values were God and Family.  For the longest time, part of me wanted these two things to be most important to me, but they weren't.  I valued achievement too much, autonomy, fellowship, success...  But finally, here I am.  

As my values have shifted, so has my focus.  Suddenly, I am looking at life through a different lense.  I'm reading this book about missionaries Frank and Marie Drown and I love it.  They gave up everything for God.  I am just compelled by that.  I find myself exercising more and thinking "One day maybe I will be on the mission field and will have to be strong to travel and thrive" or I work on memorizing Philippians a lot because "Who knows when I may just be in a closed country and the only Bible I have is the one in my memory?"  I study the Old Testament for school and think to myself "One day I will maybe teach this to adults or children who don't completely understand the truth of the Bible."  I think about all kinds of different things- trying to cook with strange ingredients, attempting to learn a new language, living in a hut, adapting to a different culture.  Does that sound strange?  Well, Frank and Marie were much like me, young Americans with a desire to serve God with everything.  They were willing to go to a foreign jungle to spread Christ's love.  They made Christ their number one value and everything changed.

I've heard people say this before: "I believe in God.  But you know, just to be safe.  If God ends up not being real, what do I have to lose by just believing in him now...?" That's not belief in God, that's belief in fire insurance.  To believe in God is to lose everything if He doesn't exist.  Christ doesn't say to go on living the same way, just reassured.  He says to take up your cross,  say good-bye to your family, become a new creation.  He calls us to come to know Him and never stop drawing close.  He doesn't want us to ever say- "I've reached it! I know God enough now... This is a comfortable place to stop."  No!  This may sound radical, but I don't think those things Jesus commanded in the gospels are safe on any measure. 

I want God to always be my first priority, I want His love to consume me, I want to be obedient to His commands, I want to be true to His calls, I want to live in a way that Philippians 1:21 holds true for my life.

Baby, it's a new day.

For a while I couldn't get out of feeling this strong nostalgia for the way things used to be... I missed my high school, sitting in class with my friends, doing artwork twice a day, seeing the same familiar faces that are long gone.

But then I finally came to realize, it's a new day.  I can't spend all this time remembering the past when I have so many wonderful things in the present to think about.  Like friends, this year I thought I would be left all alone, but God has given me wonderful friends :)  One day I met my friend for coffee to hear how her summer mission trip went.  Or this past Friday I spent time with a group of friends at Chili's just laughing and making the most of every moment.  Or tonight I went to my friend's beach house and played volleyball with some of her other friends on the beach.  These little things, these people, these moments make me happy.

Then I got a job this past week... What an incredible blessing! Now I can save up for the summer mission trip/internship I hope to take part in. 

I've also able to spend a lot more time with my family, without taking them for granted.  They love me so much!  So I get to be here with them for a year before I leave... I probably will never live in my house again after I go off to college. So why not make the most of the time now?

I can't live yesterday or tomorrow, just today.  So why not rejoice in the best of what today has to offer?  Today is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

"I wish that we could sail our sad days away, forever, in deep blue seas of paper maché."

Remember:

{I opened your christmas presents for you}

{We went tubing on the Meramec}

{We stared in amazement at the flying fish in the middle of the ocean}

{Isn't it nice to know the lining is silver?}

{We rode donkeys up a cobblestone path to Greek ruins}

{Our late-night talks}

{We had every song in Aristocats memorized}

{Bike rides in the winter}

{That time we made empanadas together}

{We waded in the ocean at Mykonos}

{You always pressuring me to go on all the rollercoasters}

{Setting up the town at Christmastime}

{We would swing in the backyard}

{Ella Fitzgerald's music}

"There's no better friend than a sister and there's no better sister than you."

So whether it's during the hardest time ever or these cherished moments, I'm thankful to know I'm not alone.

Meet me in St. Louis...

There's something about the sweet ol' midwest.  Every summer I just fall in love with spending time there.  I'm sure my friends wonder what there is to do in Missouri... Well...

Wait for the siren.  As the mist lifts above the cold spring, a bunch of fishermen gather around, preparing their bait.  And somewhere in the midst of all those hardcore trout-catchers, my dad and I stand waiting.  All of sudden, a loud siren roar breaks the serenity and fishing lines go flying.  There's nothing like fishing in a spring filled with trout that were raised from their birth to die.  Actually, when you think about it that way, it's depressing.  But for me, it's some of the best father/daughter time as my dad and I catch fish after fish trying to meet the catching limit.

Indian summer. A couple years ago, my sister persuaded my dad that the three of us should go floating down a nearby river in tubes.  So we headed to a campground, rented three tubes, and took a splash in the cold water... So peaceful, so lazy, the river took us on a journey for about an hour through a forest.  I really felt close to God, in the middle of a river, so far away from anything besides nature.  Creation does testify of a creator...

Watch your step.  Once upon a time, a little girl spent some of her summer in the midwest and discovered a terrible curse.  Every 13 years terrible insects swarm and eat every green thing in sight.  I've had to deal with this "curse" twice already... and watching your feet so you don't step on a locust/cicada is not fun at all. Thank God it's only every thirteen years...

White steeples.  Little white church steeples dot the countryside, including my dad's tiny church and my mom's church where my parents were married.  There's nothing like picking up a hymnal and singing genuine worship.

Amiability. Saying "hello" or "thank you" to a stranger where I live is out of the ordinary.  But not in the midwest.  People actually smile at you, say friendly things, and enjoy their jobs.  I wish all people in America were like this more often.  I know some people have tough lives, but for the most part, people in America are pretty well off.  And they should show their thankfulness about it.  I know it's not exactly rational, but one can only hope...

Pink pavement.  My sister and I know we are almost to Grandma's when the car drives over pavement that is a peachy pink.  Over the river and through the woods...

Redefining pitch black.  When I was young, my dad used to always talk about his job while in college- giving tours in a cave.  So every now and then, my family returns to that cave where he used to work, walking through the darkness and bats.  When I was little, this was the highlight of the summer vacation.

Trip down memory lane.  "This is where your aunt got in her first car accident..." "This is where I fell of the hayride and sprained my ankle..." "This is where your great-uncles owned a barber shop..." My relatives are never short of stories as we drive down gravel roads in the country.  It's craziness, really, to think these people are related to me.  But I love them nonetheless.

4 hour family lunch. The customary tradition is to meet with my mom's side of the family every Sunday we are in town at Olive Garden and eat for hours and hours. We are a pretty interesting bunch, brought together by my grandpa's offer to treat us all to unlimited breadsticks and salad.

Concrete on the concrete.  I may sound like the travel channel here, but by far, the best ice cream shop in the U.S. is on route 66 in St. Louis, Missouri.  If you go after a Cardinals game, you may have to wait for 15 minutes in line before you can order a concrete at Ted Drewes.  But it's always worth the wait.

I could probably add at least 10 more traditions/things I do in the sweet ol' midwest.  But in the end it's not about where you are or what you do, but who you're with.

My Mom.

Today I found encouragement from my mom.  About five years ago or so my mom began, by faith, writing this Bible study.  She persevered and finally finished the ten-week study and began editing it and holding small group studies in our home.  Time went by and she found a publisher willing to publish her book.  She editted it some more, worked on the format, cover art, and put it all together.  A couple months ago, a heavy box filled with hundreds of copies of her Bible studies arrived at our doorstep.  Now my mom is leading the Bible study at a local church on Tuesdays and Wednesday nights.

It did not hit me until tonight that my mom had to wait so long, persevere so much, and trust that God's calling to her was not in vain.  Despite what seemed to her as an impossible task, she finished the study and now is able to teach other women about how to grow closer to God and receive His peace. 

God came through because it was all for His glory. 

Waiting is worth it.  Right now I'm in this time of perseverance in my life and remembering God's faithfulness in the past has encouraged me.  I prayed that God would renew His calling on my life so I wouldn't lost focus.  My mom has been taking each day at a time, focusing on her call, and now is giving God the glory because of it.  I can't help but want that too.

Last Semester.

The orchid on the art table in my room finally died today.  Today is also the last day of Christmas break and I'm about to head into the last semester of high school.  It's crazy, really. 

Change is something strange.
So is the end of a journey.

During this break, I went with my whole family to see the movie The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  It was so weird to go see the movie together.  Normally I always see movies with my friends or my sister.  But no, it was my whole family.  And the movie reminded me of past times too, because I read the book in elementary school.  It was my favorite of the Narnia books.  You can tell I definitely had an imagination.  Anyways, I go to see the movie, and when it gets to the end, Lucy and Edmund are sent back from Narnia for the final time.  There's no going back.  Strangely, I relate to them, despite the fact they are fictional characters in a fantasy world.  One more semester, and I'm done with high school.  No more seeing these same familiar faces.  I leave this usual sphere and head off somewhere new.  How can I make the most of these moments?

I want to reach out to my grade, hear their dreams, contribute to their hopes, be a light.
I want to go on more afternoon bike rides with my sister and watch more chick-flick movies with her.
I want to help my mom more in the kitchen and run more errands with her.
I want to eat more ice cream with my dad.
I want to run three miles more often.
I want to pray every day through Operation World.
I don't want to have too many plans.  I want to be whimful.
and joyful.  and hopeful. and loveful. and graceful.
I want to make God's dreams my own.
I want to embrace this last semester and be immune to senioritis.
I'm not kidding! :)

I’m thankful for this past week…

1)  The lovely mile run I took last Saturday morning.  I was finally able to run after weeks of being sick with pneumonia and the weather was incredible.  Now I can try to reach my goal of running three miles in a row.

2)  Shoeboxes.  My dad and sister and I strolled through walmart picking out school supplies, toothbrushes, toys, and t-shirts to compile in shoeboxes.  It’s a family tradition and I will miss doing it with my family when I’m in college next fall.

3)  Breezy Beach ultimate Frisbee soccer?  Highlights include getting the soccer ball kicked into my neck, being stung by a jelly fish, letting my friends bury me in sand, and doing a crazy scavenger hunt. So worth it though!

4)  Artwork. While my window was open and letting the beautiful breeze come into my room, with my music on, and with a paintbrush in my hand, I made a lot of headway on my concentration section for my art portfolio.

5)  Yankee Candle.  When my mom, sister, and I were shopping, we walked in the Yankee Candle store to smell all the wonderful candles.  My sister and I both confessed that scents spark memories for us.  Therefore, that time in Yankee Candle reminded me of a lot of great moments.

6)  Passport renewal.  I can travel again soon! I wonder what country stamps will be in this passport…

7)  Wednesday night small groups and prayer time.  I had a wonderful time in prayer with my small group!

8)  September.  No, not the month, but the song by earth, wind, and fire.  I have to admit, I love the time my sister, dad, and I spend listening to 70’s music in the car.  Most of the music I can’t stand, but I just love the quality time.  I know that in year when I’m in college, I will miss it.

9)  Cooking Turkey with my mom.  And eating pumpkin pie with my dad. And watching Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade with my sister.  MEMORIES.

10) Finally finishing the Book Prayer by Philip Yancey. What book next?

11) Deep conversations with friends I haven’t seen in forever.  Why does college have to take friends so far away?  I love the encouragement I can get from one evening catching up.

12) Watching my parents make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the homeless. :)

13) A Surprise Birthday Party for someone who definitely deserved one!

14) Christmas music.  In the car.  As I drive my sister and I around.

15) Who God is.  What God has done.  How God is working in my life today.  All the blessings that each new day brings.  Each breath of air.  Each sunset and sunrise.  The stars that don’t fail to shine.  Hope.  Making mistakes but being forgiven.  Having the ability to point others to Christ.  That is what I am thankful for this past week.