My heart is

full... 

God is taking me to Africa.
Flight tickets bought, bags just about packed, countless prayers prayed, hugs given, phone calls made, letters sent, surprises prepared, conferences attended...
2 days ago I got this e-mail and talked to my dad on the phone.  There was suddenly a possibility the trip was off.  My heart was stricken.  Lies haunted me- God does not want to use me.  I am never going to be good enough.  Lies multiplied.
Then I just had a peace.  I knew the truth.  NO MATTER IF I WAS ABLE TO TAKE THE TRIP OR NOT, GOD LOVED ME.  If He was going to close that door, it was only because He was going to open another one.  Still, I felt such a strong calling to go.  Why would God call me and prepare me and put the pieces completely in place to abandon me?  My God is faithful.  He has steadfast love.  He will not leave me.  And He didn't.
I started reading Psalm 91 and dwelled on God's promises.  And you know what? He kept His promise!  
Tomorrow God is going to begin to stretch my faith in a completely new way as I embark on a trip to Africa.  I will be sure to keep you updated on the adventure as well as I can.   All I know is that these words cannot do justice to the overwhelming joy in my heart.  God has not abandoned me or found me useless.  He wants me to shine for Him on another continent.   


As I look back on my Freshman year of college, God never once left my side!  He was there during the good, bad, mundane, and joyous.  He was there and it was His will.  My heart is full. 

Afraid? Of what?

For my online Christian Missions class, I had to read a book entitled "A Martyr's Grace."  It covered the 21 men and women who became martyrs after attending Moody.  The book brought tears flowing from my eyes as I read about the people who died in horrific ways because they stood for their faith until the end.  What struck me as that each person was so similar to people I know today.  These martyrs were average people who had beautiful faith.  They weren't superhuman.  They were dedicated, funny, real.  They had a insatiable hunger and love for God.  


Reading their stories challenged me to have a deeper love for God.  I had been so caught up in following God that it was becoming a bit legalistic and tiring.  However, this book changed my focus back to God- and his love for me.  The other day my boss was encouraging me that I am always giving but I have trouble receiving back.  I think I actually have done this with God!  I've worked so hard to serve and love him to earn his love after.  The reality is, God loved me FIRST.  When I savor his love, it makes it so much easier to love Him back.  And this new-found love is inspiring a greater faith and fearlessness in me.


So what makes someone a saint or a martyr?  What do these believers have that makes their faith so great?  In The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer mentions what inspires this faith: "I venture to suggest that the one vital quality which they had in common was spiritual receptivity.  Something in them was open to heaven, something which urged them Godward.  Without attempting anything like a profound analysis, I shall say simply that they had spiritual awareness and that they went on to cultivate it until it became the biggest thing in their lives.  They differed from the average person in that when they felt the inward longing, they did something about it.  They acquired a lifelong habit of spiritual response."  These people had an eternal perspective.  They lived like they truly  believed what Paul said in Romans 8:18, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”  They looked at all they had to face and asked, "Afraid?  Of what?"

The Aim of our Charge.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed with thoughts about how completely un-useful I am to God.  I was looking around at everyone else and thinking about how I fall so short of being qualified to serve God.   My unending to do list and ministry responsibilities did not help.  Ministry was feeling like a chore and my heart was overwhelmed.

Yet this morning I work up, at 7 since I’ve been trying to get up early, to the sound of faint raindrops.  I grabbed my Bible and journal and sat on my porch outside and I felt so calm.  Soft raindrops were falling, clouds were overhead, yet the sun was rising and it was 70 perfect degrees out. 

As I prayed all the lies I had believed yesterday began to vanish.  1 Timothy 1:5 revealed to me this truth: “The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith.”

It’s just that simple.  I need to show God’s love- from my heart, sincerely.  I don’t have to be overwhelmed in my inadequacy of not knowing five languages or being a genius at apologetics.  In time, I will learn these things.  In the meantime, I need to focus on what I do have to offer- love. 

I went to Bible school with a heart excited to love people and tell them about Jesus and discovered here how much knowledge I lack and how inadequate I am.  But I can’t let that consume me.  I cannot get distracted when so many people are perishing without hope.  I may not understand everything, but I understand enough to tell them about Jesus and show them His love.  And I will do this, whether in at work or in a nearby community or in Africa.  This is the aim of my charge.

Alis Volat Propriis.... .. . .

(she flies with her own wings)

Up Up and Away.

"But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive." Genesis 50:20

Finding Him.

I can give you a million and one reasons why I am where I am right now.  Maybe not quite that many, but God truly has made it clear that I am right where He wants me to be, in the midst of His glorious plan.  That reason is enough, encompassing all other reasons. 

I truly see God's sovereignty.  I am rejoicing today because of it.  He came through.  Why did I ever doubt?  Today I gave a Bible to this woman I have been praying for so much in the past month.  I stayed awake later on some nights thinking about how the ideal situation would play out for me to be able to hand her God's word.  Over and over again I would imagine what I was going to say and how she may respond.  I was nervous, but I knew it was God's call to boldness.  I believe in both Heaven and Hell, and I want to see this woman in Heaven.  So today came the moment and you know what, she took my gift- the Bible- and hugged it.  Her eyes filled with tears and she began to cry tears of joy.  She told me that her friend was telling her she would be a good Christian and she smiled.  She hugged me and my friend before we said good-bye.  I was speechless.  I truly did not get to talk so much because I was so amazed.  Three words struck my mind and I could not figure out why until later.  The words were "I love you" and they were my genuine thoughts and prayer to God at that moment.  God heard my prayers and saw my heart.  I even ran out of words to say, but He still let me serve Him.  I love Him so much... I truly am humbled to be able to be used by Him.  I will continue to pray for this woman, for those around me, and for God to glorified in every area of my life.  I will be steadfast, I will be a servant, and I will be fearless.  Why?  Because I love Him.

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
~Jeremiah 29:12-13

Fearless.

You would think evangelism would come more naturally since I believe the Bible truly and completely.  Think about it:  If I believe either heaven or hell are real destinations for every human being, I should be more fearless to share my faith.  What is stopping me?  My pride is one thing.  I don't want people to see me as this crazy religious girl.  The other thing is my fear of misrepresenting Christ to someone.  What if what I say or do completely something that causes someone to completely turn away from accepting Jesus altogether?  Oh the risks.  But they are worth it aren't they?  What is the worst thing that could happen? 

In America, we can share freely and yet we don't.  Meanwhile, Christians are traveling through jungles and harsh conditions to preach Christ to unreached tribes.  They are living in closed countries where it is illegal to proselytize so that they can just lead a few people there to know Jesus.  They are learning foreign languages.  They are leaving their families.  And yet I struggle to evangelize here in America?!

God, you have called me to be fearless.  What can man do to me?  Please help me to stand for you and be unafraid to preach your name if the time is right.  Humble me.  Don't let me put You to shame.  Be glorified as I truly live like I believe the words in the Bible.

God says "I have not called you to a place; I have called you to Myself."

"I don't know what God has for us, but I want to be available to go... I feel like God has me blindfolded and is leading me along a path I don't quite understand. 
But I will follow Him."
~Bonnie Witherall