The Aim of our Charge.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed with thoughts about how completely un-useful I am to God.  I was looking around at everyone else and thinking about how I fall so short of being qualified to serve God.   My unending to do list and ministry responsibilities did not help.  Ministry was feeling like a chore and my heart was overwhelmed.

Yet this morning I work up, at 7 since I’ve been trying to get up early, to the sound of faint raindrops.  I grabbed my Bible and journal and sat on my porch outside and I felt so calm.  Soft raindrops were falling, clouds were overhead, yet the sun was rising and it was 70 perfect degrees out. 

As I prayed all the lies I had believed yesterday began to vanish.  1 Timothy 1:5 revealed to me this truth: “The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith.”

It’s just that simple.  I need to show God’s love- from my heart, sincerely.  I don’t have to be overwhelmed in my inadequacy of not knowing five languages or being a genius at apologetics.  In time, I will learn these things.  In the meantime, I need to focus on what I do have to offer- love. 

I went to Bible school with a heart excited to love people and tell them about Jesus and discovered here how much knowledge I lack and how inadequate I am.  But I can’t let that consume me.  I cannot get distracted when so many people are perishing without hope.  I may not understand everything, but I understand enough to tell them about Jesus and show them His love.  And I will do this, whether in at work or in a nearby community or in Africa.  This is the aim of my charge.

You Are The Way.

I believe Jesus is the way, the only way.

Yet so many don't know; they are perishing.

The other night I saw Jeremy Camp and sang along-

"Shine, Bright, let your glory fill this land

Lift high the King of Kings and great I Am

Jesus, You are the way."

That's my prayer- has ever been.

I prayed for my class of 2011,

That God would be their way.

I pray for Golden Acres,

That these children will know Jesus.

I pray and reach out at work.

I am going to Africa to tell that Jesus is the Way.

I myself fall short but God will reveal Himself,

hopefully through the little bit I can do.

He's the way, I want more people to walk in it.

“Lord, let me make a difference for you that is utterly disproportionate to who I am.”

John 15:4-5:
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

The Waking Dawn.

No.  I will not give up.  I refuse to give in.  I will continue to serve, to pray, to hope.  God is gently working in people's hearts.  No, I can't see it all completely, but I still believe it. Prayers are slowly but surely being answered.  The Holy Spirit is convicting.  Hearts are waking.  Lives are changing.  Hope is arriving.  Gradually, the dawn is coming.  

"...to give knowledge of salvation to his people 

in the forgiveness of their sins, 

because of the tender mercy of our God, 

whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high

to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, 

to guide our feet into the way of peace.” 

Luke 1:77-79

We all may be running away.

Today I had a sort-of epiphany.  It is only my second day in a row reading the book of Jonah, but God has already pinpointed my heart with how I need to change.  This is my prayer in response.

"God, so many of us believers have seen extraordinary love and grace and mercy from You.  Yet we have trouble sharing it!  We, like Jonah, want to hoard the gospel message because maybe some people just don't deserve God's grace.  No, we may never say this, but we act in this way. 

But this is a lie.  God's love is for EVERYONE. All people need to know that Jesus loves them enough He died for them.  We Christians complain about these 'plants'- we're running low on money, we disagree of this issue, we are bored of the Bible, we don't like our church, etc.  We consume our time with these selfish cries.  Yet billions of people are headed toward Hell if we don't say anything.  Billions of people are destined toward destruction and maybe they just need someone to tell them.

God, take away this heart of mine which sometimes reflects that of Jonah.  Help me to tell the 'perishing' about you at every opportunity I get.  Thank you for choosing to use me.  Please strengthen me not to run away."

Fearless.

You would think evangelism would come more naturally since I believe the Bible truly and completely.  Think about it:  If I believe either heaven or hell are real destinations for every human being, I should be more fearless to share my faith.  What is stopping me?  My pride is one thing.  I don't want people to see me as this crazy religious girl.  The other thing is my fear of misrepresenting Christ to someone.  What if what I say or do completely something that causes someone to completely turn away from accepting Jesus altogether?  Oh the risks.  But they are worth it aren't they?  What is the worst thing that could happen? 

In America, we can share freely and yet we don't.  Meanwhile, Christians are traveling through jungles and harsh conditions to preach Christ to unreached tribes.  They are living in closed countries where it is illegal to proselytize so that they can just lead a few people there to know Jesus.  They are learning foreign languages.  They are leaving their families.  And yet I struggle to evangelize here in America?!

God, you have called me to be fearless.  What can man do to me?  Please help me to stand for you and be unafraid to preach your name if the time is right.  Humble me.  Don't let me put You to shame.  Be glorified as I truly live like I believe the words in the Bible.

| Light |

This past Friday, I stood with 5 other believers, in front of a house in the corner of a community where drug deals take place, where addictions destroy families, where Satan has His grip, and where evil holds firm strongholds.  It was here that we joined together in prayer over this area, for God to truly bring His love and light.

It's been unpredictable.

This past week was completely busy and hectic.  But I loved it, especially the unexpected moments it brought...

Meeting people online is always interesting.

But this week I had the opportunity to video chat with some of my online college classmates.

The verdict: they are some pretty amazing people!

Yes, it was different talking online...

Especially when these people are in different time zones and everything.

But it makes me excited for next year when I will actually go to college with these awesome people.

Seeing God change a school

See you at the pole was Wednesday and since I'm in college, I went my one friend to her public school to pray around her flagpool. 

Even though it ended up only being three of us, it was so great for me.

To be brave and obedient to God, by going into this school and taking a stand for Christ meant so much to me.

Plus, that high school is now going to start a Christian ministry group.

Those prayers we prayed were only the beginning!

Running into people from Class of '11

That night at college ministry, I sat with some good friends for the service.

Then on the way out I ran into some other of my high school classmates.

It made me so joyful to see them still around, seeking to know God and grow closer to Him.

All those prayers I prayed in high school for them are not in vain.

Spending time with a friend like old times

The next day I got the chance to take a break from classes and have a lunch date with my dear friend I've known since I was little.

It was so great to hear how her senior year is going and also hear how she is waiting on God's guidance for college.

She also is continuing to faithfully lead a prayer group at my church.

As we both enjoyed chick-fil-a, I was encouraged by her joyful faith in God during this time in her life.

My new job is growing on me more and more as I get to know the people who work there.

They are all so nice and encouraging!

I was blessed enough to get treated to lunch on Thursday by my manager.

And I am blessed to work hard to earn money for college, clothes, and missions trips.

Overwhelming Encouragement

On Friday I got to eat lunch with my high school guidance counselor.

She truly must be filled with the Holy Spirit to give such godly and perfect advice.

It was so lovely to just update her about my life and take in her encouragement.

Art again

Since I was around, I also ran over to the art room.

It felt so good to be back in that class room and thinking creatively rather than just spending time reading and analyzing.

My art teacher helped me gather some supplies so I can do more artwork on my own. 

Now, Golden Acres was tough this week and I got pretty discouraged.

Thankfully, I talked to some friends who reminded me that we are not serving in vain.

The past few weeks before had been so wonderful.

Yet, sometimes we just don't see the fruit of out labor.

And that reminds me, it's not my labor in that community anyways, it's God's.

I still have faith He will continue to show up there!

Living where dying is gain...

My values are changing... And so am I.   During this past week I took this VAL test to see what I value most in my life.  And my top two life values were God and Family.  For the longest time, part of me wanted these two things to be most important to me, but they weren't.  I valued achievement too much, autonomy, fellowship, success...  But finally, here I am.  

As my values have shifted, so has my focus.  Suddenly, I am looking at life through a different lense.  I'm reading this book about missionaries Frank and Marie Drown and I love it.  They gave up everything for God.  I am just compelled by that.  I find myself exercising more and thinking "One day maybe I will be on the mission field and will have to be strong to travel and thrive" or I work on memorizing Philippians a lot because "Who knows when I may just be in a closed country and the only Bible I have is the one in my memory?"  I study the Old Testament for school and think to myself "One day I will maybe teach this to adults or children who don't completely understand the truth of the Bible."  I think about all kinds of different things- trying to cook with strange ingredients, attempting to learn a new language, living in a hut, adapting to a different culture.  Does that sound strange?  Well, Frank and Marie were much like me, young Americans with a desire to serve God with everything.  They were willing to go to a foreign jungle to spread Christ's love.  They made Christ their number one value and everything changed.

I've heard people say this before: "I believe in God.  But you know, just to be safe.  If God ends up not being real, what do I have to lose by just believing in him now...?" That's not belief in God, that's belief in fire insurance.  To believe in God is to lose everything if He doesn't exist.  Christ doesn't say to go on living the same way, just reassured.  He says to take up your cross,  say good-bye to your family, become a new creation.  He calls us to come to know Him and never stop drawing close.  He doesn't want us to ever say- "I've reached it! I know God enough now... This is a comfortable place to stop."  No!  This may sound radical, but I don't think those things Jesus commanded in the gospels are safe on any measure. 

I want God to always be my first priority, I want His love to consume me, I want to be obedient to His commands, I want to be true to His calls, I want to live in a way that Philippians 1:21 holds true for my life.

I don't know why I'm still waiting... or do I?

But I am and it's the right thing.

I'm walking in obedience to God and that's what is most important. 
"Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him,

And He shall bring it to pass.

He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,

And your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord,

and Wait patiently for Him."

Psalms 37:4-37a

Nearly every day I pray in Operation World, for countries that need Christ's love.

Then I go to countless locations around the world with my family.

But I don't get to go on missions trips.

2x. That's all.

And those two times in Bahamas and Mexico were wonderful.

Everything that God taught me was brought to life.

But I prayed so many times for God to send me out again, to the field.

And so far He's said "no" countless times.

No to Ethiopia, No to Bahamas again, No to Mexico again, No to Uganda.

I know why God did what He did.

Instead of Ethiopia, He wanted me to bond with my class on our 10th grade retreat.

And when the Bahamas trip was cancelled, I began praying for the 6 months leading up to Mexico.

I didn't get to go to Mexico again, but I did get to speak at their dinner fundraiser.

And if I had gone to Uganda I wouldn't have been able to lead a group at camp or help out at Liberty or be with my family when I needed to be.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,

To those who are the called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

Clearly God has always had me in the right place at the right time.

He sees the big picture.

Looking forward, I can trust that God will put me in the right place,

whether that be right where I am or one day in Uganda or Greece or wherever He may call me.

I can't keep letting Satan have a foothold and whisper:

"You are not adequate enough to ever go on the mission field, that is why God won't open the doors."

"You must have mistaken God's calling to surrender all, others have callings but can't you see by where you are: you. don't. matter."

"You will be waiting your whole life"

"Full surrender to God will not result in joy but pain"

"God is never going to give you an answer"

"How can God use you when you are sitting around at home studying?  You have all this knowledge but it's useless"

"Waiting on God is a waste of time"
Lies. The truth is, that to God:
"Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice..."
1 Samuel 15:22
I actually do know why I'm still waiting.
God has asked me to wait, so I wait.
I wait, I hope, I trust, I obey.
One day, He will ask me to go somewhere for Him.
And I will go.
"Show me Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day."
Psalms 25:4-5

{For Such A Time As This}

If you would have told me a year ago that I would be doing my first year of college at home... well, I wouldn't have believed you.  Truth be told, staying home for a year wasn't ever really an option I desired or was even willing to settle for.   But here I am, with a year ahead of me before I head up North.  Some people have told me this next year is going to be awful, and for a while, I believed it too.  I would pray about it and tell God, "I know your plan is for good, but I don't get it right now.  I still love you God, but I'm not going to tell you thank-you for this... This shouldn't have happened." I had accepted His plan, but I wasn't going to show joy about it.  

While being a counselor at student life camp, I sat in a service with my group one evening and God really caught my attention.  I realized that God truly has called me into ministry and I am truly going to college for that.  I saw that even though I was a little unhappy about the first year, I should be thankful.  I can go to college.  I am going to my favorite college too, I just have to wait a little longer.  I am going to get an education there to pursue serving God, whether it's at Compassion International (an organization I'm becoming pretty interested in) or on the mission field.  Even though this all wasn't my plan A, it clearly was God's.  He will reward my patience and obedience.  

So now that I'm home for year, I decided to really get more deeply involved in the outreaches I currently do.  For example, now God has really put Golden Acres on my heart.  I want to see more kids there come to know God's plan for their lives.  I've been working with a group of people on the GA Bible study curriculum and now I'm writing a memoirs/book with my friend, journaling the next year of happenings in the community.  As for my involvement at church, I've been interning in the high school ministry.  I've been able to work on this missions/outreach blog (liquidoutreachmissions.wordpress.com/) and then also have been making preparations for this mission trip to Haiti (that my lovely sister is going on).  On Wednesday, on of the youth leaders asked me if I would lead my own small group on Wednesday nights... Exciting stuff! And next week I leave to go help out on a college campus with Student Life camp. I'm learning a lot already.

I told myself that my theme for this summer would be "I'm Ready."  Truly, I haven't had a chance to catch my breath to even think about it too much.  I really am ready for whatever God's put in my path, at least, I have been so far.  I'm learning more and more each moment.

"Here is the world.  Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.” ~Frederick Buechner

Just because I can't be on the mission field this summer doesn't mean my heart's not there. :)

Breathless Expectation.

"Gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness but it should be an expression of breathless expectation.”

~Oswald Chambers

As high school comes to an end in three weeks, a new time in my life is coming.  What will happen? So little is set in stone right now.  A year ago, I would have worried and panicked. However, now I am embracing the opportunities I have. I could:

*Go to Uganda for a couple months for an internship

*Or maybe go with my sister to Haiti for a week

*Or help to the write the bible study curriculum for the kids at GA

*Or do make more mixed media pieces and collections

*Or learn to speak more spanish

*Or study art history

*Or go to college church with some of friends staying local for college

*Or buy a car

*Or learn to cook

*Or get an internship at my church or another non-profit

*Or work at Starbucks

*Or go back to Mexico with my sister's grade

*Or maybe help plan a mission trip

*Or visit my relatives in Missouri and help my grandma

*Or go on a mission trip with Operation Mobilization

What Lord? Where Lord? I'm waiting here in breathless expectation.

Reviving Desire for Ministry.

www.operationworld.org/prayer-videos

Lately my focus has been on being steadfast and waiting on God.  I finally am seeing God renew that passion I had for missions/ministry a few months ago.  Now, I think my heart for serving is finally in the right place too.  I'm delighted to see what happens as I pray about missions or an internship over the summer.  I'm also getting excited to perhaps pursue ministry as a career.  God has been so incredible to me, even in the worst of times.  I just want to serve Him and be less so He can be greater.

Beauty for Ashes.

What do I love?  Seeing God make beauty for ashes.

So often I feel like Jeremiah, with such a burden for the God's people and the lost, but no results in sight.  It's like "God, I pray everyday to you for my school, for this community, for countries and people around the world and then I don't see anything.  What now?"  However, lately, I have been seeing some amazing answers to prayer.  It's like when we do something whole-heartedly for God's glory and according to His will, He blesses it. 

 

1) In Mexico. On Friday in Chapel I saw more of what God did in Mexico while the Juniors were on their trip.  I was beyond encouraged.  It was estimated that somewhere around 500 people came to know Christ.  That number astounds me.  But what astounds me more is that for each and every person of that number now can have hope in Christ.  Though Mexico is ridden with crime and broken by poverty, it is finding beauty in Christ our Savior.  

2) At my school.My school has been hurting a lot lately, but we've grown together because of it.  I see God answering the prayers that we pray as a prayer group every Friday.  I see a divided school beginning to become united for Christ.  I see individuals really seeking God.  I know that I only see the outward appearance, and God looks at the heart, but I still can't help but be encouraged. 

3) In Human Trafficking. It's an intense subject, but it's one my school decided to address in their dance concert this year.  The dance explained the horrors and pains of human trafficking, but also the hope of God's redemption.  In a club at my school, students are uniting to race money to build a school in India for Dalit children.  One step at a time- awareness, action, support, God's help- can be the starting points that can led to us seeing God making beauty for ashes in this area.

4) In Golden Acres.  This community is truly being transformed.  Every Friday night when I am there with the kids, I watch the sunset in the background as we do worship and bible studies with the kids.  There is hope on the horizon.  And we all are beginning to see it.  This community is slowly but surely changing, by God's help and for His glory.  The children are beginning to really understand that our love for them is because of God.  I don't see the outreach there ending for many years.  Maybe, just maybe, each new generation of high school students each year will continue to embrace and pour into this neighborhood. 

5) At Love Bags. My friends and I are now going to be able to mobolize the elementary students to collect items for the outreach to the homeless- Love Bags.  We will hopefully be able to speak in their chapel and spur them on.  Then they can continue the ministry of Love Bags long after I graduate from high school.  I am in awe of God for working all this out.  Truly, I am so thankful to be able to be a part of all this as His servant.

Gracias Senor! Por todo!

Having World Vision.

On Saturday I reminisced on what God had been showing me this summer.  I started reading this book called Radical by David Platt, and it completely reminded me of what God taught me amd has called me too.  The book is about not getting comfortable living the American dream and not forgetting God's heart for the world.

God really gave me that heart for the world and missions this past summer.  I had been out of the country nearly all June and I was reading Acts which really changed me deeply.  I guess I just got a little complacent where I am these past few months.  But God reminded me.

"God blesses His people with extravagant grace so they might extend his extravagant glory to all peoples on the earth." (Platt)

I now have more passion when I pray for the world each day.  I now have less fear about pursuing missions in the future.  God has called me to it.  He's called all Christians actually.  Jesus's last words to His disciples were: "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

Splagehnizomai.

I don’t know how to pronounce this, but I know what it means in English: Compassion.

“Anything helps, even a smile…”

Recently I was stopped at a stoplight and noticed a homeless woman carrying this sign.  How burdened I suddenly was.  I had no money to give, but I did have the ability to treat her as a fellow human-being and brighten up her day, with a smile.

When I did Love Bags the last half of my junior year, God altered my perspective.  Yes, there were some scary moments and I did meet some people who had rough lives, but I now see that they just want someone to talk to them, to love the unlovely, to pray for broken lives.  I saw the Holy Spirit work so much as we shared God’s word with them.  It was a wonderful chance for us to point them to the one who has transformed our lives- Jesus.  He can transform theirs too. 

A few Saturday mornings out sharing with the homeless puts everything in perspective.  It also gives us the chance to live out the compassion we feel. 

I miss this. 

I really hope I can go again soon after Thanksgiving…

Isaiah 61:1-3-  “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives; and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”