Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?

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This past Friday, I stood with 5 other believers, in front of a house in the corner of a community where drug deals take place, where addictions destroy families, where Satan has His grip, and where evil holds firm strongholds.  It was here that we joined together in prayer over this area, for God to truly bring His love and light.

"But made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant..."

~Philippians 2:7

If Jesus, who is God, was willing to lay down His life and be a servant, how much more should I, who am noone of great worth, be willing to live my life as a servant to God and others?

I'm learning a lot this year about humbly surrendering to God.  I guess for a little bit I enjoyed being in the spotlight for following God; I enjoyed others seeing me as someone who is going the right direction and living a "godly" life.  The truth is, I'm beginning not to want that anymore.  I'm building up treasure in heaven and am doing all to the Lord.  Now, I know noone else will notice, so I can do everything whole-heartedly to God.  It suddenly isn't about the "atta girl" but about being a servant, about being nothing, about being unseen... So He can be seen all the more clearly in me.

{All for 1}

"I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it."
~Elisabeth Elliot in Through the Gates of Splendor

I hope you see deeply.

There's something about starting anew that is strange.  It is completely refreshing and wonderful, but at the same time it's uncontrollable and dangerous.  How so?  Well, after going to a high school with a lot of people who knew me and my heart well, I've realized something: These people who are in this new world of mine, they don't know my heart.  And I wonder what they see in me.  I desire to live a life that represents Christ in the best way possible, but sometimes, I'm afraid I fail Him without even knowing it.  I assume others know my heart like my close friends do.  I think they know my hopes and my prayers.  But perhaps they do not.  First impressions rock people's worlds.  Often, the way someone views a person is through their initial judgements.  So I pray that I will live in such a way such that others around me will somehow see this heart of mine, and Jesus in the center of it.  And as I look at the world, I hope I do not see others through a lens of judgement, but of God's love.

Hating.

Sometimes I wonder if I have become apathetic, with my heart softened by the comfort that surrounds me.  I think that abandoning compassion and quenching the Holy Spirit is one of the worst things a Christian can do.  No, we can't do everything or help fight every wrong, but we can still do our part and hate it.  What do I mean?

"The fear of the LORD is to hate evil..."

Proverbs 8:13

Sometimes when I observe the wrongs of the world, I see a lot of things that aren't my problem.  I feel bad, but I don't hate it.  I tend to be optimistic and try to ignore the terrible things in life.  However, the other day I was convicted by this verse.  I desire to fear the Lord, so now I must be unafraid to hate.  You know, God hates; He hates sin and wickedness.  He hates a lying tongue and feet that rush to do evil.  Our God is a God of unexplainable love, that is why He hates.  What a paradigm! God hates those things that destroy humans's lives and draw them away from Him.  He loves us so much He wants what is best for us, and He hates what takes us away from the beautiful life He has planned.  God, as you teach me how to love others more, teach me to hate what makes them stumble.  Teach me to hate the world's cruelities.  Then I can truly love those around me, and fear you all the more in the process.

What I hate:

I hate that 27 million people around the world are enslaved.

I hate that there are thousands of unreached people groups that haven't heard the gospel message.

I hate that in Africa, child soldiers are drugged and brainwashed to kill.

I hate that addictions are destroying individuals and their families.

I hate that thousands of children are growing up in foster care without a family to call their own.

I hate that the Dalits are persecuted so terribly in India.

I hate that prostitution is so widespread in Thailand.

I hate that AIDS is causing the deaths of millions in Africa and across the world.

I hate that divorce affects so many families in America.

I hate that Americans battle obesity while children in other countries starve to death.

I hate that our luxuries like chocolate and coffee come from the hard work of unpaid slaves in Africa.

I hate that in some places, being a Christian just means following empty religious traditions, not actually having a relationship with God.

I hate that people die around the world because they don't have clean drinking water.

I hate that in so many children don't have a bright future because they can't get an education.

I hate that some people don't even have the Bible in their own language.

I hate that wickedness triumphs so often, but I trust that in the end, God will triumph over that evil.

"Shiir Jeajai"

To be honest, lately I've been distracted.  I don't think my eyes have been set on heavenly things.

It's not like I've been focused on impure things or anything, but I just have lost my focus on God first.  I think about my friends all the time and about work and earning as much money as possible.  I focus on how I can find clothes for school next year and what music I can listen to that I enjoy singing along to.  I want adventure, to travel and to taste different foods and to meet different people.  I desire comfort and happiness.  Art and beauty inspire me.  But, as innocent as these things sound, they are distracting me from God!  And I'm convicted.

The other day one of my classmates posted this verse reminder online:
"Work for the food that stays good always and gives eternal life" -John 6:27b

And then I worked on memorizing Philippians and repeated these words over and over again:
"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
And
"For our citizenship is in heaven..."
Right now, I don't think I am very heavenly minded.

In the story of the missionaries Frank and Marie Drown, they tell the story of a sick Indian woman who accepts Christ.  Though her death is near, this woman tells everyone how at peace she is because she knows when she dies she will be in heaven.  When that day finally comes, her family and friends gather around her to hear her last words.  She doesn't scream or yell in terror but says peacefully "Shiir jeajai" which in her language means "I have arrived beautifully." 

Lord, renew in me a Spirit that is more eternally minded.  Let my heart's cry not be one of selfish happiness but to "arrive beautifully" before your throne, knowing that I have lived life each day thinking about the hope of being with You.  Nothing on this earth can compare to that.

Let your light shine down on me.

"But the path of the righeous is like the light of dawn,

which shines brighter and brighter until full day."

Proverbs 4:18

Stopping the time, the rush and the waiting, Leave it behind shifting and shaping, Keep it inside it all goes, it all goes by...

I had a fall day like this the other day.  Except it involved Golden Acres, torrential downpours, tacos, the Worlds Series game 7, Hide and seek, Michael Buble Christmas music, and some of my favorite people.

So what's your story?

"My story... uh... well..."

I've had a few people ask me this question recently and I never seem to know how to respond. 

"My story?  You mean my testimony?  Or how I chose the college I did?  Or what my family is like?  Where I live?  Come on, just asking me for my story is way too general..."

Maybe the truth is, I don't have too much of a story.  And if I do, it's not one worth telling.  It's probably boring or cliche.  I could say something like, "Well, I live in the south with my sister, mom and dad.  I go to this college and am majoring in communications and bible.  I am doing online school this year but next year I am going far away for college.  I love God- almost always have, and want to live in a way that people see that.  Yeah."

That's my default story I think. 

But what if my story could tell what's on my heart.  What if my story got deeper.

"I grew up in a beautiful world with a family I always knew loved me and the knowledge of Jesus Christ that gave me love, joy, peace, and freedom.  I always wanted to be used by God, to make known His love to others like He had made known His love to me.  I struggled because it was hard to seperate what my material blessings with God's love.  What about those who don't have anything?  God still loves them, right?  Well, He does.  Jesus's death shows that.  But so many don't know.  They look at the sunrise each morning and up at the stars at night and they are held accountable by this general revelation.  Yet they don't have or know the Bible enough to accept Jesus and discover His love. 

When I was 7 years old I began to write and haven't stopped writing since.  Now I want to write about what God is doing all around the world as more and more people come to know Him.  I love praying for the world, seeing churches sprout up in Mexico, lifting up the spiritual deadness in Greece, meeting with a missionary from Spain, writing to kids whose lives are being transformed by an education and God's love. 

My story is about God's love.  It has made me who I am today.  Who has blessed me? God.  How am I saved?  God's love.  What inspires me to write?  God's love.  Why did I chose what I chose for my college?  So I could better reveal to others God's love.  Why encourage friends?  So they can see God's love.  Why learn the Bible?  To better understand God's love.  Why endure tough times?  To relate to others how God's love is faithful through every trial and change. Why would I endure suffering?  To express God's love.

His love is crazy for me.  It is overwhelming. I'm not just saying this in a charismatic and emotional way.  Yes, sometimes my motives get out of line and my priorities mixed up.  But in the end, this is what my story is about, I hope."

So my friend and reader, what is YOUR story?

"Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. ¹⁹ We love Him^[b] because He first loved us."

~1 John 4:17-19