I do.

"Do I believe that you're my God? 

That You're all I need?  

That You're all I need?"

Realizations...

"To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do- to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its hardest and worst- is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed."


~Frederick Buechner

. Connecting . The . Dots .

On any given day, a flood of memories will hit me.  There's connections of songs, emotions, smells even, that bring me back in time.  It's like that 5-click game on wikipedia.  Each and every thing and event has a connection to another memory, until I find myself lost in thought.   Yesterday I found myself connecting the dots between how God has showed up in my life.  As I prayed, read some prayer journals, and remembered, I was overwhelmed by God's sovereignty in my life thus far.  Despite my own foolish mistakes, God has kept working everything together in my life for good.  He has revealed himself so many times in response to my prayers and heart's desires.  He also has worked things out for what is best even when I did not understand it at the time.  As I connect the dots between what God has done in my life, I can't help but be in awe.  It inspires a new trust in me.  

Recently,

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see."

~John Burrough

{My Hope}

Afraid? Of what?

For my online Christian Missions class, I had to read a book entitled "A Martyr's Grace."  It covered the 21 men and women who became martyrs after attending Moody.  The book brought tears flowing from my eyes as I read about the people who died in horrific ways because they stood for their faith until the end.  What struck me as that each person was so similar to people I know today.  These martyrs were average people who had beautiful faith.  They weren't superhuman.  They were dedicated, funny, real.  They had a insatiable hunger and love for God.  


Reading their stories challenged me to have a deeper love for God.  I had been so caught up in following God that it was becoming a bit legalistic and tiring.  However, this book changed my focus back to God- and his love for me.  The other day my boss was encouraging me that I am always giving but I have trouble receiving back.  I think I actually have done this with God!  I've worked so hard to serve and love him to earn his love after.  The reality is, God loved me FIRST.  When I savor his love, it makes it so much easier to love Him back.  And this new-found love is inspiring a greater faith and fearlessness in me.


So what makes someone a saint or a martyr?  What do these believers have that makes their faith so great?  In The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer mentions what inspires this faith: "I venture to suggest that the one vital quality which they had in common was spiritual receptivity.  Something in them was open to heaven, something which urged them Godward.  Without attempting anything like a profound analysis, I shall say simply that they had spiritual awareness and that they went on to cultivate it until it became the biggest thing in their lives.  They differed from the average person in that when they felt the inward longing, they did something about it.  They acquired a lifelong habit of spiritual response."  These people had an eternal perspective.  They lived like they truly  believed what Paul said in Romans 8:18, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”  They looked at all they had to face and asked, "Afraid?  Of what?"

The Aim of our Charge.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed with thoughts about how completely un-useful I am to God.  I was looking around at everyone else and thinking about how I fall so short of being qualified to serve God.   My unending to do list and ministry responsibilities did not help.  Ministry was feeling like a chore and my heart was overwhelmed.

Yet this morning I work up, at 7 since I’ve been trying to get up early, to the sound of faint raindrops.  I grabbed my Bible and journal and sat on my porch outside and I felt so calm.  Soft raindrops were falling, clouds were overhead, yet the sun was rising and it was 70 perfect degrees out. 

As I prayed all the lies I had believed yesterday began to vanish.  1 Timothy 1:5 revealed to me this truth: “The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith.”

It’s just that simple.  I need to show God’s love- from my heart, sincerely.  I don’t have to be overwhelmed in my inadequacy of not knowing five languages or being a genius at apologetics.  In time, I will learn these things.  In the meantime, I need to focus on what I do have to offer- love. 

I went to Bible school with a heart excited to love people and tell them about Jesus and discovered here how much knowledge I lack and how inadequate I am.  But I can’t let that consume me.  I cannot get distracted when so many people are perishing without hope.  I may not understand everything, but I understand enough to tell them about Jesus and show them His love.  And I will do this, whether in at work or in a nearby community or in Africa.  This is the aim of my charge.