I'll come back, when you call me; no need to say goodbye.

In the days immediately following my graduation, I began to notice this emptiness I felt.  Between the graduation parties while driving my mom's car it would hit me: I'm graduated, my grade is never going to be all together again, everyone is going on to new and greater things, and I'm still stuck at home for a year.  My eyes would tear up a little but I had to be strong.  God put my class on my heart for so long and I know I won't ever stop praying for them.  But, God is calling me to new and greater things as well, even if I am staying at home.

The work God began at my high school has had closure.  Now I need to embrace this new time of my life, fearlessly.  This next year, I can really make God my everything- not friends, not achievement, not even missions, but God.  I realized that the emptiness I felt inside was because I had my priorities in the wrong place.  I had put friends and memories first.  I had put my identity and success before God.

When you make God your everything, you have nothing left to lose.  Once God is your all, no one can ever take Him away from you.  Yes, this means dying to self, but it also means truly living.  I want to learn this in the months to come. I think this year to come is definitely a good time to do just that.

Just because I can't be on the mission field this summer doesn't mean my heart's not there. :)

Grand Paradox.

"To allow this enemy to live is, in the end, to lose everything.  To repudiate it and give up all for Christ's sake is to lose nothing at last, but to preserve everything unto life eternal."

~A.W. Tozer in The Pursuit of God

I said "Remember this Moment," in the back of my mind.

-1 days until my high school graduation.

The past week has encompassed so much.  So many treasured moments, so many times I thought I would burst into tears, so many brave steps, so many care-free laughs, so many changes.

Once I was high school student.  But then everything changed.  Time like a whirlwind flew me down an aisle, onto a stage, up to a microphone, back to my seat with a medal around my neck, then back up to shake men's hands and receive a paper, then to move a tassle on my cap, lastly to run back down the aisle once more.  Wait.  What just happened?

I am so blessed.  God has taken my life and transformed it.  He gave me beautiful moments on the senior trip, helped me to build new friendships, and be who I want to be for Him.  He put the words in the mouth for my graduation speech and gave me a peace like no other. 

God, putting you first for high school was the BEST thing I ever did.  You changed me and somehow used my life to bring you glory.  You gave me a platform to encourage others.  And You heard my prayers.  I just had to wait, but You came through!  I will trust You in the following months, even though it's not my plan A for college, it's Yours.  Lead me and guide me.

"This is my prayer in the harvest, where favor and providence flow. 

I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I've received I will sow."

The End.

...of final exams.
...of Senior year.
...of High School.
...of waiting for Prom.
...of the world?

6 days until graduation and time has flown by.  We've all been waiting anxiously for it, but I know I'm going to cry a week from now.  If I make it that far...

So someone predicted Judgement day to be today at 6PM.  Interesting stuff.  I believe Matthew 24:6, "but of that day and hour NO ONE KNOWS, not even the angels in heaven, but my Father only."  However, all the talk of the end of the world made me think.  Am I really living my life like Jesus could come back any moment?  Am I "redeeming the time" and making the most of every opportunity I have to share about Christ?  I can honestly say, I don't think I am.  I fail so often.  I care too much what others think of me.  Oh, and I miss opportunities because I can't step up in boldness. 

God, I'm ready to live knowing that you are returning sometime soon.  I'm ready to begin the new stage of my life- college.  I'm ready to not get my identity from achievement but from following You.  I'm ready to grow, to be challenged even further.  Lord, :) I'm ready to celebrate the end of this season of my life and begin the new one you have for me.

Is this REAL?

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you...

Breathless Expectation.

"Gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness but it should be an expression of breathless expectation.”

~Oswald Chambers

As high school comes to an end in three weeks, a new time in my life is coming.  What will happen? So little is set in stone right now.  A year ago, I would have worried and panicked. However, now I am embracing the opportunities I have. I could:

*Go to Uganda for a couple months for an internship

*Or maybe go with my sister to Haiti for a week

*Or help to the write the bible study curriculum for the kids at GA

*Or do make more mixed media pieces and collections

*Or learn to speak more spanish

*Or study art history

*Or go to college church with some of friends staying local for college

*Or buy a car

*Or learn to cook

*Or get an internship at my church or another non-profit

*Or work at Starbucks

*Or go back to Mexico with my sister's grade

*Or maybe help plan a mission trip

*Or visit my relatives in Missouri and help my grandma

*Or go on a mission trip with Operation Mobilization

What Lord? Where Lord? I'm waiting here in breathless expectation.