Overcoming.

This past week God kept allowing a certain conversation to come up.  I heard others- my parents, my teachers, my guidance counselors, my friends- all express to me in one or another that I need to be less afraid to be persuasive, decisive, and confident.  These remarks didn't upset me.  But they brought to view a deep spiritual issue that has been torturing me for my whole life (and especially the past few months) in my walk with God.  Up until this point, being steadfast meant bearing blows and enduring through pain and trials.  However, I've come to see that standing steadfast doesn't just involve taking blows, but dishing some out too.

Shocking, I know!  You see, I've realized that I've endured so much pain in the past months because I've let Satan walk all over me.  I've had so many spiritual attacks- lies whispered in my ear.  Lies like "I have nothing to offer," "I don't want to burden others with my problems," "I'm never going to be enough," "I don't deserve something this good," and "I can take this, I am strong enough on my own to take this."  Have you ever experienced this?

"I have nothing to offer" means I don't speak up even when I do have something important to say.  It means I don't take chances because I feel unworthy.

"I don't want to burden others with my problems" means that I bear every burden alone.  And God says "His yoke is easy and His burden is light."  But not to me.  Instead of speaking up, breaking down, I push the problem deeper inside.  This is why I have trouble being honest with my family and friends.

"I'm never going to be enough" relates to how I never feel good enough for my parents.  Even though they hardly express disapproval of me, Satan twists their words to make me feel insufficient.

"I don't deserve something this good" is a new lie Satan has put on me recently.  When I got deferred to college, I felt that I didn't deserve something that good.  When my small group leader bought muffins for my birthday and my small groups sang Happy Birthday to me, I felt completely like I, of all people, shouldn't be that blessed.

"I can take this, I am strong enough on my own to take this" is becoming the worst lie of all.  Because the truth is that I can't take all this on my own.  And I am not strong against the enemy.  Look at all the lies he's deceived me with! 

In the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge it says: "Now, often the hardest person to fight for is . . . yourself.  But you must.  Your heart is needed.  You must be present and engaged in order to love well and fight on behalf of others.  Without you, much will be lost.  It is time to take a stand and to stand firm.  We are at war.  You are needed."

1 John 4:4 says "Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world."

The song Our God by Chris Tomlin goes:
"And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against."


Right now I know it won't be easy, but I won't let the enemy have a foothold in my life any longer.  It may take a lot of praying God's word, but "We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies."