Face like a Flint.

Isaiah 50:7-
“ For the Lord GOD will help Me;
      Therefore I will not be disgraced;
      Therefore I have set My face like a flint,
      And I know that I will not be ashamed."

Why am I so quick to lose courage?  When God gives me guidance, why can't I seem to stand up for it?  Deep down, I know I have this confidence and trust in Christ.  Yet, I am so quick to be shaken, to waver.

Give me the strength, to trust what You say.  
That you're good, and your love is great.
I'm broken inside, I give you my life...
I may be weak, but your spirit's strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but my God you never will. 

The One Thing.

A thousand messages, perspectives, opinions, points of view, beliefs

are thrust upon me.

But the one thing I don't question is You.

Answered prayers in His way, not mine.

"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen."
~1 Peter 5:10-11

Goodness, these last few months have been a spiritual desert.  Yet, I knew God was going to bring me through it, somehow, some way.  And He did.

It was not how I expected.  It was not the exact thing I prayed for.  However, God knows what's best for me better than I know myself.  I've decided that my focus for this coming summer will be "I'm Ready," based off April 18th in Oswald Chambers.  Exodus 3:4 says "God called to him... and he said 'Here I am.'" Often I delay God's calling on my life.  I postpone his divine appointments.  But I'm ready to to be ready no matter when or what He calls me too.  I'm ready to grow even closer to God, worship Him more fully, and serve Him in courage.  Next year will hopefully not let me only learn more about God and service, but apply it in a very new way.  No matter what happens, I'm ready! :)

Meanwhile, my senior year is coming to an end.  As the curtains close, I want to take any chance I can to encourage my classmates.  By the grace of God, I get to speak at our graduation.  It's such a blessing since I've had class of 2011 on my heart for so long, and now I get to speak in front of all of them.  It will be difficult, no doubt, but I completely see God's hand on this.

So with all my heart and all my soul
With all I am, Lord, I will follow You
You took the cross, You took my shame
Restored my life, Lord I will follow You

~Search My Heart by Hillsong United

Standing in the Intersection.

Isaiah 55:8-9- "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Oswald Chambers- My Utmost for His Highest
January 2- Will You Go Out Without Knowing?
He went out, not knowing where he was going —Hebrews 11:8

     Have you ever “gone out” in this way? If so, there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, “What do you expect to do?”You don’t know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to “go out” in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don’t know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to “go out,” building your confidence in God. “. . . do not worry about your life . . . nor about the body . . .” (Luke 12:22). In other words, don’t worry about the things that concerned you before you did “go out.”
     Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do— He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you “go out” in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?
     Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to “go out” in dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus. You must learn to “go out” through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God.

I’ve reached this intersection in my life.  Four roads, four choices, none of which I expected.  However, my friend reminded me that what I feel is a Plan B, isn’t necessarily a Plan B to God.  So here I stand at this crossroads, waiting for God to shine the light on what His plan is.  Lord, I will follow.

If. Then.

"If God does what you think he should do, trust him.  If God doesn't do what you think he should do, trust him.  If you pray and believe God for a miracle and he does it, trust him.  If your worse nightmare comes true, believe he is sovereign.  Believe he is good."

~Craig Groeschel in The Christian Atheist

Reviving Desire for Ministry.

www.operationworld.org/prayer-videos

Lately my focus has been on being steadfast and waiting on God.  I finally am seeing God renew that passion I had for missions/ministry a few months ago.  Now, I think my heart for serving is finally in the right place too.  I'm delighted to see what happens as I pray about missions or an internship over the summer.  I'm also getting excited to perhaps pursue ministry as a career.  God has been so incredible to me, even in the worst of times.  I just want to serve Him and be less so He can be greater.

My Prayer.

Back in September, I had just finished the book The Christian Atheist the day after I had visited the college I am now still waiting to hear from.  This was my prayer.

9/10/10-
     Deep inside, I'm dying to live out "third line" christianity.  Today in my college interview, the man asked me what trials I've faced that have made me stronger.  Honestly, I have not faced many (if any at all) tribulations.  I'm not being stretched.  I love Jesus and I'm serving, but I'm comfortable.
     Lord, I realize this is not an instant process... This needs to be a daily step I take each day to be challenged.  This also has to be a matter of the heart, where my love for God and to be His overcomes what is easiest.  It overcomes the status quo and the "rich young ruler" mindset.  My love for God needs to be SO REAL it can conquer hatred and selfishness and pride.  I will still sin, but I will get back up.  I want to now face adversity to be stronger.  If God's will for me is ministry, I want to be challenged now, to grow now.  I WANT TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE, to know the horrors and cries of a broken world, and yet see beauty for ashes all the same.  I want to be stretched now, to be held accountable.
     It won't be like instant coffee or a TV dinner.  It will be long and hard, like training for a marathon. It will take discipline! It will take You Lord and drawing closer to You! It will take not settling for good enough.  It will take prayer.  But I'm ready as I'll ever be.  Bring me on this road to surrender.  Waken me morning by morning to listen to You like one being taught.
     I'm tired of being a "christian atheist." Change me Lord! Savior change me and help me!

He's an artist.

The God who painted yesterday's beautiful sunrise, is the same God who holds my life in His hands.

~Fallen Leaves~

Today as I ran a couple miles to train for the 5k my dad and I are going to run sometime soon, I admired the beauty of the fallen, crumpled leaves all over the sidewalk.  It astounded me to see the bare tree branches with yellow leaves against the clear blue sky.  I've always thought of April as the pinnacle of spring, the time of fresh leaves, not dead ones.  Nonetheless, I think that maybe those lifeless leaves may just be the harbingers of further growth.  Like sometimes to grow, one must start over completely.  And sometimes, we, like trees, need to die and lose some leaves in order to live with more strength.  I like the analogy Elisabeth Elliot has for using the example of an acorn and an oak tree:

"This of the self that God has given as an acorn.  It is a marvelous little thing, a perfect shape, perfectly designed for its purpose, perfectly functional.  Think of the grand glory of an oak tree.  God's intention when He made the acorn was the oak tree.  His intention for us is '...the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ.' Many deaths must go into our reaching that measure, many letting goes.  When you look as the oak tree, you don't feel that the 'loss' of the acorn is a very great loss.  The more you perceive God's purpose in your life, the less terrible will the losses seem."

The loss of a leaf or an acorn is insignificant in the big picture. Yet the momentary pain can be staggering.  However, if it brings us closer to God and His plan, I believe it can be more than worth it.  Next week when buds begin to grow and bloom on the trees around my neighborhood, I will remember the work God does in us through those little deaths that ultimately bring us closer to Him.

All My Fountains.

They also serve who only stand and wait.

"For You, O God, have tested us;
         You have refined us as silver is refined."
                  Psalm 66:10

These past couple months, this time of refining, has changed so much about me.  The anxiety I used to carry, the worry I used to cherish, the desperate cries I used to shout like a spoiled child, God has helped me to overcome.  I haven't arrived or anything, but I feel as if I am finally ready to decide about college.  And I won't be alone.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'” Isaiah 30:21

It's that simple.  It's faith.