My Prayer.

Back in September, I had just finished the book The Christian Atheist the day after I had visited the college I am now still waiting to hear from.  This was my prayer.

9/10/10-
     Deep inside, I'm dying to live out "third line" christianity.  Today in my college interview, the man asked me what trials I've faced that have made me stronger.  Honestly, I have not faced many (if any at all) tribulations.  I'm not being stretched.  I love Jesus and I'm serving, but I'm comfortable.
     Lord, I realize this is not an instant process... This needs to be a daily step I take each day to be challenged.  This also has to be a matter of the heart, where my love for God and to be His overcomes what is easiest.  It overcomes the status quo and the "rich young ruler" mindset.  My love for God needs to be SO REAL it can conquer hatred and selfishness and pride.  I will still sin, but I will get back up.  I want to now face adversity to be stronger.  If God's will for me is ministry, I want to be challenged now, to grow now.  I WANT TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE, to know the horrors and cries of a broken world, and yet see beauty for ashes all the same.  I want to be stretched now, to be held accountable.
     It won't be like instant coffee or a TV dinner.  It will be long and hard, like training for a marathon. It will take discipline! It will take You Lord and drawing closer to You! It will take not settling for good enough.  It will take prayer.  But I'm ready as I'll ever be.  Bring me on this road to surrender.  Waken me morning by morning to listen to You like one being taught.
     I'm tired of being a "christian atheist." Change me Lord! Savior change me and help me!