“Lord, let me make a difference for you that is utterly disproportionate to who I am.”

John 15:4-5:
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

Swans and Magnifying Glasses.

My grandpa is home now; he passed away on Friday.

As I thought about all he meant to me, I read parts of the book he wrote years ago.

He fought in World War 2, and death was always on his mind in those days.

He thought about dying at 24,

Who knew God would grant him 93 full years of life?

Make me more eternally minded Lord,

as I remember my grandpa and his life.

Don't let me forget those people in my life who taught me lessons,

those family members who loved me.

I don't want to forget.

To the audience of {1}

Friday I had a little meltdown.  Okay, it wasn't that little.  I kind of may have lost my cool because I found people were using my kindness to take advantage of me.  It kind of hurt.  However, a huge part of it was rooted in this tiresome desire in me to always please everyone.  I have spent a large portion of my life living to make other people happy or like me.  Then when I can't seem to make them happy or please them no matter if I am trying hard to please them, it's hard.
  
What I realized through a good talk with a friend of mine later that evening is that I can't keep living for others to see.  I need to live to the Lord- unto that audience of one.  Then I also need to let God do the work AND get the credit.  He deserves it, not me.  Instead of focusing so much on what others see in me and what others need to do themselves, I will focus on God.  He loves me all the time.  He has made me "fearfully and wonderfully," a workmanship he wants to use.  If I start looking to God to define me, hopefully I will not keep swinging between this intolerable self-pride and awful self-pity.  Though I am a sinful human being, God has chosen to use me.   How blessed I am to be able to partner with Him in service and live for His glory all the days of my life.


Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and race, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel,  for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me." ~2 Timothy 1:8-12~

The Waking Dawn.

No.  I will not give up.  I refuse to give in.  I will continue to serve, to pray, to hope.  God is gently working in people's hearts.  No, I can't see it all completely, but I still believe it. Prayers are slowly but surely being answered.  The Holy Spirit is convicting.  Hearts are waking.  Lives are changing.  Hope is arriving.  Gradually, the dawn is coming.  

"...to give knowledge of salvation to his people 

in the forgiveness of their sins, 

because of the tender mercy of our God, 

whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high

to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, 

to guide our feet into the way of peace.” 

Luke 1:77-79

God, teach me how to love.

"To love a person means 

to see them as God intended them to be."

~Fyodor Doestoevsky

Love is... patient

I really don't think it's a coincidence that this is the first description of love in 1 Corinthians 13.  Yet I think Christians often skim over it without contemplating the meaning.  It's easy to do this in today's world.  It feels like love should be almost instant- like everything else in America, like that 2 hour romance movie.  But beautiful love is not like that.

Patience means waiting.  Patience means enduring.  Patience means sacrifice and sometimes pain. Patience in different Bible translations means "suffering long."  According to those movies and the Bachelor, love doesn't involve much suffering.   Oh but it does.

Beautiful love holds out when it wants to let go.  Beautiful love doesn't settle but waits for the best.  Beautiful love takes time to develop and is not only a feeling.  Beautiful love will wait days, weeks, months and still love.  Beautiful love is not forced but is developed and deepened over time. This beautiful love is patient.

So God is the only true embodiment of "beautiful love."  But as I strive to be like Him each day, I strive to show beautiful love in my life too.  The guy I marry one day will not be perfect at showing God's beautiful love, but hopefully he will understand that patience we are called to in love and how God is our ultimate example of this.  That will be truly beautiful.