"Submit Application" Button.

What a scary thing. 
Suddenly all the control you thought you had leaves you.
It is completely in God's hands...
Although, maybe it was all along.


God has been taking me on this incredible journey with applying to this one college.  I submitted my application to it on Thursday.  I had heard about this university a couple years ago and knew it was wonderful.  Inside my heart I knew I wanted to apply there all along, but spiritually I was not ready. This past summer it was on my list of colleges but I was convinced I was not "good enough" to go to this school.  Everyone I know who goes there is so nearly perfect and spiritually strong and I am insufficient.  It crazy how Satan twists truths into lies.  In September I was able to fly to visit the college. I knew when I was singing in the worship during chapel there that this is where I would love to be.  To grow closer to God.  To learn more about writing.  To be encouraged.  To be prepared for the ministry God has for me.  And yet at the same time, to be in the world, doing outreach.  Then I came back and began the essay-writing process.  I spent a month on the application essays, seeking God and putting into words what He has shown me.


Then it all comes to this.  The "Submit Application" button.  Is it good enough? What more can I do?  Is this God's will?  These questions flash through my mind a millions times per second.  I click the button.  It's all out of my control.  It's all in God's hands.  Though, maybe it was all along.


It's not about me being "not good enough" or "good enough," it's God will.  I just need to trust that God knows best, whether this college is His will or not.


"Trust in the LORD, and do good;
         Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
 Delight yourself also in the LORD,
         And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
         Trust also in Him,
         And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
         And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
         Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way..."
~Psalm 37:3-7a