It's probably because I have a million things going on tomorrow... well actually today. And today, well yesterday, I had a million things going on too.
Today (well yesterday), I felt so spiritually exhausted during the school day. Then I came home and ran two miles and poured out my feelings to God and began to have peace. I don't seem to become spiritually exhausted from tough events as much the mundane deserts of time. And I've been in this time of waiting and trusting and wondering for quite a while and had begun to get discouraged. However, "steadfast" means staying faith-full that God is working everything for good despite those deserts. And that's what I realized. God reminded me when I prayed that He is faithful and that I need to be still and know that He is God. After God showed me this, I talked with my friend on the phone about a college that God had closed the door to for her. It was so encouraging to hear how she was okay with the outcome and only wants God's best for her. Though it didn't work out how she originally hoped it would, she grew closer to God through it. And she will continue to grow closer to Him and follow wherever He leads her to college. My friend's response helped me realize the answer that had been torturing me for a long time. I only have applied to one college so far and have done so on purpose. Most people would declare that foolish, because I could probably get into quite a few schools if I wanted to. But I only want to serve God and put full faith in Him. And I'm exercising that faith by applying to only this one college. For the longest time, I thought that if I don't get into this one college, I am going to not be able to do what God called me to and I would look like a complete fool. I could imagine the cruel laughs: "She trusted in God and look what happened to her? She just ruined her future..." There are countless verses about God rewarding faith, like Hebrews 11:6 which says "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." However, if I don't get into this college, I know longer will feel hopelessness and disgrace. I'll know that applying to that college was more than a waste of time. The time I spent on the campus showed me true, unfettered devotion to God and His callings. The essays solidified what God is calling me to. The waiting increased my faith and taught me true steadfastness. The prayer taught me to look at the big picture and pray for others first. And God would work something out, He always does. ^This is faith. And this is peace. And this is hope. I pray that next fall I will be standing on that lovely campus so far away setting up my dorm room, singing in chapel, and sharing God's love in that city. But it's not just the end of the world if I'm not. And it's not even the end anymore, it's the journey. This crazy adventure God has and will continue to take my on, no matter where I go.
Tomorrow (well today), is just the next step in this ultimate adventure I am on. It will not be easy in the least. Maybe my friends and I can persuade the elementary principal and students to allow us to collect items for Love Bags. Maybe a new boldness will fall on the prayer group. Maybe the Pep Rally will give me the chance to see a united High School. Maybe my sister will play guitar for the kids at golden acres. Maybe a long-awaited letter will be in the mail. Maybe today will be full of surprises. Maybe I should go to bed now so I can wake up today and find out...
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