...the Lord will go before you...

"As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, forgetful delight, nor the quickness of impulsive thoughtlessness.  But let us go out with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us."

~Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for his Highest

Remember.

The Unlikely Challenging Book.

These past couple days I was absorbed in this book called The Unlikely Disciple.  A non-christian student goes to Liberty University for a semester and writes about his experience there.

Surprisingly, he learns to blend in.  He plays on a softball team, attends Bible studies and prayer times, makes good friends, sings in the church choir, goes on a mission trip during spring break, and even gets Jerry Falwell's last newspaper interview before Falwell's death. 

As a girl who grew up as a Christian, it's interesting to see an outsider's perspective.  Kevin Roose's observations challenged me deeply.  What does my life look like to others?  Am I living out my faith in a way that is evident and clear for others to see?  Am I too pushy about my faith or too lax in living out what I believe?  How can I stop seperating the sacred and secular in my life?  Most importantly of all, why am I living the way I am?

[Spoiler Alert]
What astounded me most was that Kevin never received Christ, despite being surrounded by Christians.  His response was positive, but He never chose to accept Christ:

"That said, this semester has definitely changed the way I think about God.  I've always gone through brief phases of belief, but now, I find myself believing in some sort of divine presence more often than not- maybe 70 or 75 percent of the time instead of 30 or 35 percent.  Part of this is wishful thinking, I'm sure.  I hope there's a God so that all the praying and Bible reading and spiritual struggling my Liberty friends do isn't pointed toward an empty sky.  I hope Jesus was truly resurrected from the dead because I have a couple hundred friends who have oriented their lives around the story..." (283)

How can Kevin truly hope for this?  Doesn't he know that hoping for all his Liberty friends to be right about God would make him wrong?  He went to Liberty- experienced the worship, the Bible, the prayer- yet missed the point.  He didn't come to know Jesus.  I pray that it will be a lot less about us Christians and a lot more about Christ.  I hope that it will be a lot less about politics and rules and a lot more about our Savior.  Then maybe others will see.  Maybe Kevin would see. 

1 step forward, 2 steps back.

Lately I’ve been finding that each time I get an answer to question, I end up with at least two more questions in response.  On Christmas, I wrote on the whole front page of notebook paper with questions for God in my prayer journal.  I get frustrated because I feel as if my relationship with God isn’t moving anywhere fast enough, like I’m not getting enough answers, not changing enough, not becoming better. 

Then I realize this.  My relationship with God is like running a race.  But my goal isn’t about becoming a better person.  It isn’t about finding all the answers.  There are some things I will never understand.  It isn’t about following the rules, learning lessons, or finding a ministry.  It’s about LOVE.

When asked what the greatest commandment is, what did Jesus say?  LOVE God.  LOVE others.  I’m running a race and it’s toward Christ.  What compels me to keep running?  God’s LOVE.  What should I do along the way?  Simply LOVE.  

It's easy to get caught up in the motions and miss the meaning, to focus on the end and forget the means.  All we have is now, this "2/5ths of a second" as Francis Chan puts it.  I want my 2/5ths of a second, my race, to be run by, through, and with God's LOVE.   

"...

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."                         ~C.S. Lewis            



Merry Christmas To You!

Undeserving.

I started reading the book of Jeremiah today because, despite the fact he is known as the "crying prophet," I love the message of the book.  The fact that God chose Jeremiah, and then that Jeremiah followed Him sacrificially for over 40 years speaks so much to me.  Jeremiah's faith and obedience and "decisiveness" challenges me to live more boldly for Christ.

As I started to read Be Decisive by Warren Wiersbe, a study of Jeremiah, I noticed this line and loved it: "God doesn't save us, call us, or use us in His service because we're deserving, but because in His wisdom and grace He chooses to do so."  This was true of Jeremiah and it is true of us too.

I'm His child, and He's my God.

Proverbs 16:1

"We can make our own plans,
      but the Lord gives the right answer."
             Proverbs 16:1 NLT

Plans.  I make so many of them.  This past summer I started this checklist of things I wanted to do this year for Christ. I was so unsure back then, and I was praying for guidance on what to do and what not to do.  It's crazy how everything has worked out since then, how God answered.  My Original List was something like this:

AP Spanish Language
AP Art???
Writing?
Love Bags/Golden Acres
Wednesday Night
Edifice
Which College?
Astronomy Club
Piano
Mission trip- Mexico, Romania, Hungary?

Then God began to open & close doors.

They aren't offering AP Spanish Language this year.
AP Spanish Language
I can use my Greece pictures for my AP Art Concentration. And I'm nominated for AP Art in Silver Knights.  I can use that to point to Christ.
AP Art :)
Silver Knights :)
Journalism is during my AP Lit. block and I can't get into the class.  The Freelance meeting is when I am out of town. 
Writing
I mentioned my love for writing to my art teacher and through word of mouth the journalism teacher found out and now I am freelancing.
Writing- freelance :)
Love Bags is inconveniently on Saturday mornings but I love it!  I can go whenever I have breaks and now for NHS my friends and I for a project are going to collect items to give away at Love Bags.  Golden Acres was put on hold for a while when I was sick with Pneumonia, but now I can go more on a weekly basis and am starting to build relationships with the children there.
Love Bags as much as I can :)  Golden Acres :)
Wednesday Night I still get to lead small group often and really enjoy it!  It was hard over the summer when I had to work Wednesdays, but I made it work.
Wednesday Night :)
About Edifice, God has shown me that the need is not the calling.  Basically, as much as I see the need in Edifice and completely support their cause, I can't do everything.  I will try to contribute as much as I can as my sister and friends are involved there, but I can't overcommit.
Edifice
For College, I realized the other night how much I truly want to go to the college I just applied to and how much I really desire to get in. I feel as I've been drawing close to God, I really can't see myself not doing something Christian ministry related.  I also feel more and more that this college is a perfect match if I get in.  If. If. If...
College- God's choice :)
I love looking at the stars; the truly declare God's glory.  However, astronomy club at school was cancelled... I guess I'm just going to have to star gaze by myself.
Astronomy Club
I started playing piano when I was in second grade, but lately I just don't have the time to commit.  Plus, I don't feel a strong calling to use piano as a ministry as of now.
Piano
I can't go back to Mexico, God closed that door quickly.  However, my prayers are with the Juniors about to go and if another opportunity opens up for me to go back again in the spring, I would love to go again.  I prayed and seriously considered the Hungary trip but God showed me that it wasn't exactly what He's calling me to.  I still am praying about Romania, but now I'm starting to think I shouldn't limit God on locations, because He may call me somewhere besides these three places.
Mexico (for now)
Hungary
Romania?
Maybe somewhere else :)

It's so much better trusting in God, who sees the whole big picture.  I have Someone to rely on when making these decisions.  I am not alone.  He has guided me in the past so He will do the same today and in the future too.

Final-ly!

It's Christmas Break... finally!
What a week!


It was finals week and I knew it would be crazy, but not to this extent!  This is why:

1) My computer crashed and lost random documents/pictures/music. This was discouraging as I lost major projects, some of my favorite documents, and pictures.

2) Two of my best friends received college decisions. This added up to a lot of pressure, excitement, and counting down the minutes.

3) I was able to visit with college friends back in town for the Holidays!  And I got to go to the 18 to 33 year old church service with them.  It was amazing hearing about what God is doing in their lives as they are in different universities in different states pursuing different majors but all following God.

4) My friend's birthday was on Friday so her birthday dinner was at Cheesecake Factory and then my friends and I went to a Christmas Pageant.  After a stressful week, it was wonderful to relax, laugh, and take oh-so-many photos.

5) I got some Christmas shopping done yesterday in the mall and met up with my friend to talk.  Not exactly the quietest place this time of year... And yet, it was so worth it.  Hearing about how God is showing up in someone's life and family never gets old.

6) ... days until Christmas!

7) I just finished a couple projects that are due tonight/tomorrow morning.

8) I'm helping to organize my small group Christmas party.  I love my small group and can't wait to see if I can finally have some of our small group leader's home-made chinese food.

9) I got a wonderful letter of encouragement in the mail from a friend and keep getting texts of bible verses of inspiration from another. I feel so blessed.

10) Since I have been driving a lot, I have had a lot more car worship times.  Yes, I am that girl.  One of my favorite things in the entire world is driving at night and singing along with worship music.

For a while I just couldn't wait for the week to pass, but now that it's over I can see I had a lot of great moments...  I hate wishing time will fly by because I know God calls us to "redeem the time."  We don't ever even know if we have tomorrow, so we have to make the most of each moment for Christ's glory.  My mentor wisely reminded me the other day, "Time is short and we must be the master of it."  Love her :)  This past week was so long and short at the same time.  My prayer now is that my faith, strength, patience, and boldness for Christ will be renewed as I have more time to grow closer to Him during break.  Christmas Break is finally here!  How can I celebrate, serve, worship, and glorify Christ this Christmas?

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
~Joshua 1:9

Hello Hurricane.

I knew this week would be tough, just not to this extent.
Deadlines. Mid-terms. Projects.  And I thought I had it all figured out.
All it takes is a minute and I lose 18 pages of work, almost all of my apologetics project.

That was not a good way to start this week.  I was so upset, and I just lost it.  Everything makes so much sense when it's going good, as planned.  It's easy to stand steadfast when there's no storm.  Then the hurricane hits and takes away everything you had worked so hard for. I did to me today.

But it made me realize something.  After I had grown angry and displaced it on my father and sister, I felt even more horrible.  Thoughts crowded my mind like "Melissa, you are an idiot for not saving that project somewhere else.  Melissa, you lost your temper and got angry, you aren't good enough.  Melissa, you don't deserve grace from your teacher about this, you blew it.  Melissa, you see, you don't deserve to call yourself a child of God, you don't deserve to aspire to serve Him, you don't deserve to have the dreams you have and you especially don't deserve to go to the college you applied to and hope to get into."

True.  I don't deserve much.  However, the tone above is one of lies.  The truth is: "Melissa, you learned a lesson now, pick back up the computer and start over.  Melissa, ask for grace, you are saved by it.  Melissa, you are God's child not because you deserve it, but because you have faith and you have received grace.  Melissa, not one of the heroes of the Bible (besides Jesus), from Abraham to Moses to Elijah to Jeremiah to David, was perfect.  God acomplished His will through quite imperfect people.  Melissa, trust that God has a plan for you that is for good, to give you a future and a hope.  Melissa, if God wants you to go to that college, it's not because you deserve it.  It is because it is His plan.  Keep following and seeking Him and He will take you right where He wants you."

Hello Hurricane, You're not enough.  Hello Hurricane, You can't silence my love.

I will get through this crazy week.  I will stand steadfast in God.  I will be rooted despite the hurricane.  And I won't believe the lies but the truth.  And that truth will set me free. :)

Stay.

And You will always stay beside me
And Your sun will rise above me
And Your light will shine upon us
And Your skies are clear above me
And You will always stay, You will always stay

Exceedingly Abundantly More.

12/9/09

"I have NOT been given a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind."~2 Timothy 1:7

God is powerful.  So often I pray in doubt. This journal, this space of prayer, is dedicated to praying in faith, in acknowledgement of God's power, and in the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  Lord, I lift up my Junior class, class of 2011.  Only you can change our hearts and make your mission ours.  Only you can unite a class so divided.  Only by your power can we come together with Your heart of love to reach Mexico.

I lift up each and every person in my grade.  Over the next 5 months, take them to a completely new personal level with you.  Use your power and Holy Spirit to unite us in a common cause, serving you.

I trust my prayers will not be in vain.  Holy Spirit fall down on me to love others despite their treatment of me.  Humble me to help me realize Your power at work.  I know that when there is less of me, there is more of you.

Soften the hearts of everyone in my grade.  Teach me patience and diligence to keep praying.  Help me to encourage and bring encouragement to me.

There is hope for my Junior class, and it is in You.

Exactly one year ago I wrote this as the start of my Mexico missions trip prayer journal.  Wow! Who knew that God would make one mission trip such a journey for me? God heard my prayers for the 6 months before the trip.  He did "exceedingly abundantly more" than I could have ever imagined while in Mexico. Now, a year later, I got to share my passion and testimony with the upcoming Junior class before they head out to Mexico. I got to give a short speech what God showed me in my spiritual journey before, during, and after Mexico.  I've never given a speech before, especially in front of about 100 people, but God was faithful.  The Holy Spirit helped me convey exactly what I wanted to say.

I love the feeling of being in the middle of exactly where God wants me to be.  It takes my breath away to see how God has answered prayer.  He truly has transformed my life: through his word, through prayer, through Mexico missions.  He has done "exceedingly abundantly more."  I feel so blessed.

Be Thou My Vision.

 “Lord, I will do anything that your kingdom requires of me. Wherever you want me to be, I’ll go.  Whatever the circumstances, I’m willing to follow. If you want to meet a need through my life, I am your servant; and I will do whatever is required.” ~Experiencing God

“I stood before three lines in the sand.  Somehow I knew what each represented:

Line 1: I believe in God and the gospel of Christ enough to benefit from it...

Line 2: I believe in God and Christ’s gospel enough to contribute comfortably… I realized, I was second-line believer.  I’d serve Jesus in ministry, but I didn’t want to many critics.  I’d give up some things for Christ, but being away from my family often was too much.  I’d follow Jesus anywhere- as long as the job included insurance for my family.  The third line was just inches in front of me.  It might as well have been miles.

Line 3: I believe in God and Christ’s gospel enough to give my life to it.  Although most people I knew were line-one and line-two believers, suddenly anything less that line three didn’t seem like real Christianity to me.  Could I give my whole life for Christ?  Not only in words but in my daily life?

…I knew in the deepest part of myself: I have to be a third-line believer.”

~The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel

“Enter through the narrow gate.  For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13-14

“And I took the road less traveled by and that made all the difference.”

A different kind of writer's block.

I've had writer's block lately.
But not the typical kind where you can't come up with any ideas.
No, I have so many writing ideas swirling in my head so that at least 10x a day I say to myself "I should blog about that" and then at the end of the day I can't decide so I don't write anything at all.
It's pretty frustrating I must say.

"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30

December Discipline.

“Now, child,” said Aslan,… “I will wait here.  Go and wake the others and tell them to follow.  If they will not, then you at least must follow me alone.”  It is a terrible thing to have to wake four people, all older than yourself and all very tired, for the purpose of telling them something they probably won’t believe and making them do something they certainly won’t like. “I musn’t think about it.  I must just do it,” thought Lucy. ~Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis

Steadfast has been my word of focus for this school year.  As I look at its definition, I notice something.  To be fixed in direction,to be  firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment, to be unwavering, to be firmly fixed in place- these all are impossible without discipline.

I’ve found that the word “discipline” seems to have a negative connotation.  It did for the longest time to me.  Whenever one of my parents said the word discipline, it always meant my privileges were about to be revoked, my cellphone was going to be placed in the office drawer, my chores were about to increase, my allowance was going to be withheld.  It meant saying “no” to the things I wanted, and “yes” to the things I hate. 

I started reading the book Discipline by my favorite author Elisabeth Elliot.  What she explained was that “Discipline is the wholehearted yes to the call of God.”  God calls us to be his disciples, and in that way, be disciplined. 

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age…” Titus 2:11-12

I’m not a very unruly or undisciplined teenager.  I do my school work, read my Bible daily, and keep up with my chores.  However, as I’ve come to realize that I base a lot on feelings.  I do my homework, yes, but only when I feel like it.  For example, right now I don’t feel like studying for my Spanish test tomorrow, so I am blogging.  If I feel hungry, I grab a snack from the kitchen.  If I feel like running a mile or two, I do, and if I don’t, I don’t.  If I feel like going on facebook ten times a day, I will.  Most people would not say there is anything wrong with this.  And technically, I am not sinning in any of this.  However, I’ve come to realize that I don’t want the urge to go a website to control my life.  I don’t want my feelings of being too tired in the morning to overpower my ability to get up early and pray.  My faith in God should not depend on feelings alone.  Neither should my walk in that faith.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

I must not think about it, I must just do it. Like Nike. ;) 

“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

Eye-Opening Reality Check.

This is the best documentary I have ever seen and #1 item on my Christmas list...

I’m thankful for this past week…

1)  The lovely mile run I took last Saturday morning.  I was finally able to run after weeks of being sick with pneumonia and the weather was incredible.  Now I can try to reach my goal of running three miles in a row.

2)  Shoeboxes.  My dad and sister and I strolled through walmart picking out school supplies, toothbrushes, toys, and t-shirts to compile in shoeboxes.  It’s a family tradition and I will miss doing it with my family when I’m in college next fall.

3)  Breezy Beach ultimate Frisbee soccer?  Highlights include getting the soccer ball kicked into my neck, being stung by a jelly fish, letting my friends bury me in sand, and doing a crazy scavenger hunt. So worth it though!

4)  Artwork. While my window was open and letting the beautiful breeze come into my room, with my music on, and with a paintbrush in my hand, I made a lot of headway on my concentration section for my art portfolio.

5)  Yankee Candle.  When my mom, sister, and I were shopping, we walked in the Yankee Candle store to smell all the wonderful candles.  My sister and I both confessed that scents spark memories for us.  Therefore, that time in Yankee Candle reminded me of a lot of great moments.

6)  Passport renewal.  I can travel again soon! I wonder what country stamps will be in this passport…

7)  Wednesday night small groups and prayer time.  I had a wonderful time in prayer with my small group!

8)  September.  No, not the month, but the song by earth, wind, and fire.  I have to admit, I love the time my sister, dad, and I spend listening to 70’s music in the car.  Most of the music I can’t stand, but I just love the quality time.  I know that in year when I’m in college, I will miss it.

9)  Cooking Turkey with my mom.  And eating pumpkin pie with my dad. And watching Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade with my sister.  MEMORIES.

10) Finally finishing the Book Prayer by Philip Yancey. What book next?

11) Deep conversations with friends I haven’t seen in forever.  Why does college have to take friends so far away?  I love the encouragement I can get from one evening catching up.

12) Watching my parents make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the homeless. :)

13) A Surprise Birthday Party for someone who definitely deserved one!

14) Christmas music.  In the car.  As I drive my sister and I around.

15) Who God is.  What God has done.  How God is working in my life today.  All the blessings that each new day brings.  Each breath of air.  Each sunset and sunrise.  The stars that don’t fail to shine.  Hope.  Making mistakes but being forgiven.  Having the ability to point others to Christ.  That is what I am thankful for this past week.  

I'm letting go, I'm letting go.

My friend showed me this song.  It is so true about everything going on right now.

Worry or Worship?

"Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds." ~Matthew 6:26 Message

I lay on the beach, being buried in sand like worries

Piles and piles of grainy sand on top of me

Only my head escapes

I can't breathe

The weight, it suffocates me

No more! I cry

Suddenly, I am lifted up

Freedom from the fetters sand had forced on me

I run to the ocean, I run to my Savior's arms

No more burdens, only refreshing cool water

Reason to rejoice

Seagulls sail overhead.

Why did I let worries surround me-

When the God's arms were open to set me free?

I simply had to run to the ocean,

To look at the birds,

And remember,

Remove the sand of worry,

And worship the Savior who works all things together for good.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to You."  Matthew 6:33

As I strive to seek first God's kingdom, I place the rest in His hands, trusting that it will be added.  I need to learn to trade my worries for worship. 

{Heaven & Earth}

This past Wednseday I got the chance to see Phil Wickham in concert.  It was so incredible, and not only Phil's amazing voice, but the lyrics to his songs.  The hour and half concert was such perfect worship.  This is what I learned:

Your Arrival

"We are waiting, anticipating
Your arrival, Your arrival
Voices raising, celebrating
Your arrival, Your arrival"

How can I live my life more remembering, "waiting, anticipating" Jesus's arrival?  I don't want "Your Arrival" to be a song I sing simply once upon a concert, I want it to be the cry of my heart each and every day.  I want my gaze to be fixed on God's face and His will and His kingdom.  

"You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near." James 5:8.  Am I living my life like He is coming? What am I doing with my 2/5ths of a second?

Desire
"This is glory rising, over a new horizon
I See Your love, I feel Your smile
You're in my heart and I will run with all I have to You"

When Phil played this song, I rejoiced.  I remember worshiping along with this song while driving to and from work this past summer.  My desire hasn't changed since then.  Yes, my plans have changed a little- colleges, mission trips, etc. but God is the same and I still desire to run with all I have to Him.

Cannons
"Beautiful and free
Song of Galaxies
It's reaching far beyond the milky way
Lets join in with the sound
C'mon let's sing it loud
As the music of the universe plays"

That evening when I got back home from the concert, it was one of those beautiful evenings I wished I could have pitched a tent in my backyard and just slept out there look at the stars.  Plus there was a meteor shower that night :).  Though I was only able to look at them for a few minutes, I can't deny that the "moon and stars, declare who You are" is so true of God.  

Because of Your Love
"Because of your cross my debt is paid
Because of you blood my sins are washed away
Now all of my life, I freely give
Because of your love, Because of your love I live"

The power of these lyrics, the gospel message, doesn't lose meaning no matter how often you hear them. 
  
But do I truly give all of my life freely?  I tell God I will do anything, go anywhere, be anything, but what if my dreams aren't His?  What if He has plans for me that I don't actually hope for? 

"Because of Your love I live..."  What do I have to withhold from God?  He gave me life, He gave me love, He gave me His son.  As Elisabeth Elliot says "He gives all, He asks all."

Safe
"You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
because the hands that hold the world
are holding your heart
this is a promise He made
He will be with you always
when everything is falling apart
you will be safe in His arms"

This song not only reminds me that my life is safe in God's hands, but also of my friends- the broken-hearted, the burdened, the tired, the lonely, those who have endured things I can't even understand.  My prayer goes out for them, that they would know that they are "safe in His arms," even "when everything is falling apart."  

Heaven Song
"I want to run on greener pastures
I want to dance on higher hills
I want to drink from sweeter waters
In the misty morning chill
And my soul is getting restless
For the place where I belong
I can't wait to join the angels and sing
No, I cant wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song"

The worship night made me restless for heaven.  If it was earthly worship, what will heavenly worship be like? 

I thought this picture
of Phil and his wife was
pretty cute, so I had to
post it <3

True Love

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

I wish someone would have told me when I was a little girl that my relationship with God could be a divine romance.  I had to figure that out by myself when I rededicated my life to Christ after ninth grade.

Like it talks about in Captivating, a little girl's desire is to unveil beauty, to be romanced, and take part in an adventure.  She cries out of her heart, "Am I lovely?"  I am not immune to this.  Part of me is so much like who I was when I was five when I first watching Cinderella.  Yes, I long to be swept off my feet.  However, God has been just been teaching me to wait, to trust, to not pursue it and let God do it.  Basically, for now my heart is God's.  He is my true love.  And He will always be, even after I marry.  If I can't love God first now, how will I love Him first when I have a boyfriend and then am married?  God has really been helping me become secure in Him, secure in waiting, and secure in not dating just to date.

True Love is patient.

I Will Wait For You There
"I will wait for You there
Down on my knees where I met You
Give You all of my cares
Find a grace to hold onto now
I’m calling for You"

They're like prayers, that's what these songs are.  Like David's psalms, that's what they are.  I want to wait on the Lord, to pray, and cry "Hallelujah's in the morning, Hallelujah's at night."

O Come All Ye Faithful
"O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
Christ the Lord"

So Phil ended the concert with a Christmas song... And it's before Thanksgiving.  Oh well, he's an exception to my "no christmas music before thanksgiving rule."  I think it's because the song could truly be a worship song too.  As I look forward to the Christmas season, how can I use this time to adore Christ?  How can I use this Thanksgiving break to show my thanks? 

Anyways, this all has been on my mind for a while.  And it's finally break so I should have more time to write again soon! 

Each and every moment.

It’s one of those weeks where God is teaching me something new each and every moment. 

And I love it!

We Are Not Alone.

Transparency. Honesty. Openess. Teardrops. Prayer.  Support.

This is why I love my school small group :) 

Like A Mosaic, Life...

Unpredictable. Unsure.  Beautiful. Art. Expression. Opportunity.

Every year at my school, about 10 seniors are chosen to represent certain categories as Silver Knight nominees.  Some friends of mine did it last year and said it was a great experience, but the people they were competing against were crazy- talented. That might be part of the reason I was so unsure when I got nominated this year.

Excited, no doubt.  Uncertain, definitely.

I was nominated for the category art, probably the category I am least sure about.  English would have been easier or social science since I have an unending knowledge of history since AP US last year.  But art is a challenge.

Honestly, the art world is pretty dark.  So many artists have alternative lifestyles.  I am so different from them in so many ways.

{People who have come to know the joy of God do not deny the darkness, but they choose not to live in it.  They claim that the light that shines in the darkness can be trusted more than the darkness itself and that a little bit of light can dispel a lot of darkness.} ~Henri Nouwen

I see the darkness of the art world, and suddenly, this opportunity comes out of nowhere that allows me to stand for something good in it.  Despite my insecurity, there is so much that God can teach me through embracing this opportunity.  Through my artwork, I can point to Christ.  How blessed am I that God wants to use me here!

“Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” ~Colossians 4:5-6



Splagehnizomai.

I don’t know how to pronounce this, but I know what it means in English: Compassion.

“Anything helps, even a smile…”

Recently I was stopped at a stoplight and noticed a homeless woman carrying this sign.  How burdened I suddenly was.  I had no money to give, but I did have the ability to treat her as a fellow human-being and brighten up her day, with a smile.

When I did Love Bags the last half of my junior year, God altered my perspective.  Yes, there were some scary moments and I did meet some people who had rough lives, but I now see that they just want someone to talk to them, to love the unlovely, to pray for broken lives.  I saw the Holy Spirit work so much as we shared God’s word with them.  It was a wonderful chance for us to point them to the one who has transformed our lives- Jesus.  He can transform theirs too. 

A few Saturday mornings out sharing with the homeless puts everything in perspective.  It also gives us the chance to live out the compassion we feel. 

I miss this. 

I really hope I can go again soon after Thanksgiving…

Isaiah 61:1-3-  “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives; and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” 

One Meal One Day.

Today was One Meal One Day.

Not. Good. Enough.

Three words that haunted me for a long time. 

On chapel on Friday when the drama group did a skit, that’s the character I related with; the one who said she never felt good enough.  Pretty much all middle school and ninth grade I believed that lie and every now and then it still pops into my head.

I don’t think I’m the only one who has felt this way.  Apart from God’s grace, I don’t think we can possibly ever feel sufficient.  

To overcome this deception, I love to return in 2 Corinthians.  Chapter 12 verse 9- “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’”

I am not good enough in the least on my own.  My striving isn’t enough.  My goal-making isn’t enough.  My rules list isn’t enough.  My own attempts are not enough.  My accomplishments are not even enough.  However, I am sufficient in Christ. 

2 Corinthians 3:5-6 reads, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God, who also made us sufficient as ministers of the new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” 

Lord, “Your Grace is Enough.” 

[Time]

I graduate in 200 days. 

Psalm 90:12- "Teach us to number our days,
   that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

"Submit Application" Button.

What a scary thing. 
Suddenly all the control you thought you had leaves you.
It is completely in God's hands...
Although, maybe it was all along.


God has been taking me on this incredible journey with applying to this one college.  I submitted my application to it on Thursday.  I had heard about this university a couple years ago and knew it was wonderful.  Inside my heart I knew I wanted to apply there all along, but spiritually I was not ready. This past summer it was on my list of colleges but I was convinced I was not "good enough" to go to this school.  Everyone I know who goes there is so nearly perfect and spiritually strong and I am insufficient.  It crazy how Satan twists truths into lies.  In September I was able to fly to visit the college. I knew when I was singing in the worship during chapel there that this is where I would love to be.  To grow closer to God.  To learn more about writing.  To be encouraged.  To be prepared for the ministry God has for me.  And yet at the same time, to be in the world, doing outreach.  Then I came back and began the essay-writing process.  I spent a month on the application essays, seeking God and putting into words what He has shown me.


Then it all comes to this.  The "Submit Application" button.  Is it good enough? What more can I do?  Is this God's will?  These questions flash through my mind a millions times per second.  I click the button.  It's all out of my control.  It's all in God's hands.  Though, maybe it was all along.


It's not about me being "not good enough" or "good enough," it's God will.  I just need to trust that God knows best, whether this college is His will or not.


"Trust in the LORD, and do good;
         Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
 Delight yourself also in the LORD,
         And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
         Trust also in Him,
         And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
         And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
         Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way..."
~Psalm 37:3-7a

Remembering.

"For me, the words of prayer are less important than the act of remembering. I look for the spaces, the interstices, in my life. Lying awake at night, insomnious.  Soaking in a bathtub. Driving. Biding time while my computer reboots. Sitting in a ski lift. Standing in line at a check-out counter. Waiting for someone who is late. Riding on a public bus or train. Exercising. Lengthy church services, I find, offer prime opportunities for prayer.  Instead of fidgeting or staring at my watch during a lull, I pray.  If I remember, I try to turn those otherwise wasted moments into prayers..."
~Philip Yancey Prayer Does It Make Any Difference?